The Bitter Truth

My fingers were crossed. Psych! Those aren't even my fingers, it's clip art from bigstockphoto!

Yesterday, I posted my humble Versatile Blogger Award acceptance speech and fulfilled all the requirements for winners, including listing 7 little known facts about myself.

Being something of a prankster and pathological liar, I couldn’t help but sprinkle a few stinking lies in the seven facts about myself.  I requested that readers of the post give their opinions as to which ones they thought were true and which were not.

As of this moment, there have been 41 views of that piece and exactly three people have made guesses.  To be fair, I asked that anyone who actually knows me in the real world restrain from blurting out the answers, lest I brand them as “tools”.  I find it a little difficult to believe that of those 41 readers, only three of them don’t know me in the real world.  For one thing, I’m fairly confident that I don’t actually know 38 people who read all that much.

This is only the second or third time I’ve asked for audience participation in a post.  The previous efforts were also met with the similar soundtrack of a solitary cricket chirping in an empty auditorium.  When you’ve had several consecutive days with higher than usual number of hits on your blog as I have, it’s easy to get carried away and think that people are reading your stuff and getting you.  Maybe they are getting me, but are so awestruck by the brilliance of my sarcasm that they dare not attempt a public exchange of ideas with me for fear of looking less than intelligent.  I know when I comment on posts, I give careful consideration to my chosen words for just that reason.  Sadly, on my award post, the response requested was basically true/false – so we can eliminate fear of ridicule as an option.

In fairness to those few brave, loyal readers who went to the trouble of guessing, here are the answers.  Thanks to all three of you for participating.

1.  I was born in Vienna, AustriaFalse – I was in fact, born in the town which is the home of Northern Illinois University on a bitter cold January morning many decades ago.  I’m sure I stumped a few people on this one, as my sparkling command of the English language is more consistent with those who hail from other parts of the world.

2.  I am a physical therapist who works with special needs kidsTrue – Satirical leanings and a rapier-like-wit are actually assets in my career.  For the record, I also work with adults in other settings.  Just to clarify, I would never ridicule one of my patients, but the rest of you dolts are fair game.

3.  I have a fondness for dessert winesFalse – Very false.  I am no stranger to spirits of all sorts, but I’d prefer a strong, hoppy India Pale Ale, any number of tequila’s, boutique bourbons, or single malt scotch over some nasty, sweet dessert wine.  You can save that swill for someone who eats dessert.  This one should’ve been easy, as I have never been seen wearing an ascot – ergo – no dessert wines for me.

4.  My son is a jet-setting professional poker playerTrue – He’s abroad as I type this, flying hither and yon to play in tournaments and make more money than his old man.  If you sit at a Texas Hold Em table with him, don’t come crying to me later looking for cab fare and your retirement savings back.

5.  My younger brother met Kurt VonnegutTrue – Worst of all, I don’t think he’s a fraction of the fan that I am.  He actually meets all kinds of famous people all the time anyway, so I don’t think it meant much to him even if he was a fan.  I’d ask him, but his mellow attitude about it would just infuriate me.

6.  I see my mother on TVTrue – Mom is an actress and she shows up on my TV from time to time.  She hasn’t been acting too much lately, as she and Dad are bogged down with blog reading assignments.  As you may have read in an early post of mine, she and my father have a history of squandering her residual checks on cruises and dog-sweaters.

7.  My basement is filled with survival gear and back issues of Guns and AmmoFalse – While I’ve written, and will write again very soon about the Nat Geo series “Doomsday Preppers”, I am not a survival expert (Not yet, but that show is getting to me…stay tuned).

Those are the 7 little known or false facts.  In the fun spirit of lies, here are a few bonus lies:

8. I’m a massive fan of operaFalse – If I wanted to see some fat lady sing in a foreign language, I’d take public transportation in Philly.

9. Yardwork is a passion of mineFalse – Paying non-English speaking gentlemen to do yard work on my behalf is a passion of mine.

10. I’m a pet loverFalse – My gimpy dog left me a prize this morning which, due to a slight slope in the floor, extended the entire length of the hall.  I am convinced that this accident was no accident at all.

11. I prefer movies about space travelFalse – In fact I avoid movies with the word “Star” in the title.  I don’t know an Ewok from a Tribble, and I’m fine with that.

12. I love writing listsFalse - Good opportunity to wrap up this drivel.

27 responses

  1. I seldom follow the rules. I participated in the post, but I’ve only been reading your blog for a couple of weeks, and haven’t read the “about me” section, which yourself said was peppered with untruths and misdirection.

  2. Okay, you have risen considerably in my eyes for the following reasons: you are a physical therapist for special needs kids (I have a background in pediatrics so you get a gold star for that one); you choose beer over wine; and you don’t like Star Wars movies. See? I’m looking at you in a whole new light…

    • Nice job on the shameless self promotion. Sadly, I’ve already voted for myself and I learned the last time I was nominated I can only vote once (Bitches of Newt – shoulda won – there’s no justice)…Imay go do some slandering, just for style points…yeah, my son is currently on a European jaunt after a very successful time playing online in Cabo for several months…I’m not jealous or anything…

  3. Thanks for not being stuffy. Everyone needs to lighten up and have a bit more fun. This can be accomplished without being mean or hateful and you do a good job at it. Ugh, not that you are being hateful! Your writing comes across as playful and smart. Good job.

    Yep, writing is tricky because of the lack of facial expression and tone. I believe the only way to practice is to write and respond. If you add in a reread before hitting “submit” well, now you’re a pro! I spend a lot of time between 2 forums and just about a month into WP. I’ve never read and wrote so much in my life. Lovin it too!

    To prove a point, my comment originally read:
    “u r funny i like how u write :) Cool that u have a son plays cards. Sarcasm is smart if done good. Hate is not good :( Writing reminds me of school homework. Now im a adult i spend more time reading blogs. LOVE WP lots of ppl out there! Keep on writing u r funny!!!”

    • It’s ironic. I’m just in the middle of writing a particularly hateful post! As for your original draft, you may have a big future on Twitter. I started a Twitter account in an effort to gain more readers, but quickly discovered that I don’t understand how it’s supposed to work for normal people. Any advice on that topic will be appreciated, but not necessarily followed through upon.

  4. Wish I had read the earlier post so I could’ve guessed every single one wrong. Love your writing. Love that you’re a PT. I worked in special ed (ed tech and as dev. therapist with autistic kids) this was a looong time ago before I had kids. Also, India Pale Ale? Good stuff right there.

  5. Don’t believe a word he writes about having an aversion to dessert wines. According to reliable eye witnesses and his parents, he recently served a Pineau des Charentes Marnier with bratwurst and corn on the cob.

  6. Pingback: 13 Irrelevant Reasons for Labeling Oneself a Christian | The Cynic Testifies

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