Bug-Out Bags for the civilized

That’s right, I’m giving in to the end-of-the-world hype and considering that maybe I ought to take it a little more seriously.  After watching yet another episode of Doomsday Preppers, I’ve spotted some real holes in the various approaches these people take as to how they’ll survive.

One common denominator each survivor hopeful has is a thing called a “bug-out bag”.  If you’re ex-military, or you paid attention to M*A*S*H* back in the day, you’ll know that to “bug out” is to pack up your essentials and relocate.  In the case of most of these preppers, this entails leaving their suburban homes and heading to the shipping container they have buried out in the desert.  Their bug out bags are already crammed full of supplies out in the garage by the lawnmower.

For those of us who have a touch more civility than the common rabble, allow me to provide a guide as to how to correctly pack ones bug out bag for surviving with a touch of class.  Here’s what I’ve got so far:

  1. The bag itself should be well made, roomy but not pretentious – I’m thinking L.L. Bean, unless Volvo makes a bag.
  2. My bottle of Balvenie Signature Reserve Single Malt Scotch.  If the world is in a state of anarchy, that’s no excuse to swill bargain brand scotch.
  3. A pair or tumblers – nothing too fancy. (you don’t expect me to drink that fine scotch out of a hollowed out gourd or something do you?).
  4. A few good books – paperback will suffice.  Nothing too gloomy though.  I just can’t imagine traversing the post apocalyptic world and only having Cormack McCarthy’s “The Road” for bedtime reading.
  5. A bible.  I’ve been meaning to read it.  Besides, I’ve seen “The Book of Eli” on cable a few times too many so.. just to be safe.
  6. A cork screw.  If I stumble onto an abandoned chateau, I want to be ready for tasteful scavenging.
  7. Several rolls of Charmin, extra soft, please.
  8. A solar powered ipod loaded with my entire classical library, select jazz recordings and Tommy James and the Shondels Greatest Hits (In the event the end of the world involves the elimination of the sun or the formation of a giant cloud of ash, I’ll feel pretty silly about this one).
  9. Sunblock (In case the sun is not obliterated).
  10. A nice sport coat, tweed with those snazzy elbow patches for increased durability.

Clearly this list is not nearly comprehensive enough.  Unfortunately, I’ve already reached my self-imposed maximum of list lengths in blog postings (refer to my earlier post for the complete guidelines).

I’m counting on you, gentle readers, to provide me with additional items to put in this bug out bag.  If you’d be so kind, please give me your opinion as to what else I might include.  Don’t worry about embarrassing yourselves, there are no stupid suggestions, just thousands of internet readers who may feel otherwise.

See you at the storage container!

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10 thoughts on “Bug-Out Bags for the civilized

    1. Hey P-worx! This was my first posting where i overtly requested audience participation, and i’m happy someone finally wrote something! i don’t know where the rest of my massive audience is…as for the recliner, we’ll put that in the storage container ahead of time, along with the rice cooker and the baseball card collection. the video game system is a must have – we could play Mass Effect 3 or some other end-of-the-world games in the comfort and privacy of our own bunker.

    1. Good point Victor. There is a method to my madness. If there ends up being more time before the big flash-bulb goes off on the horizon, I don’t want my tweed sportcoat looking frayed and worn. By the same token, picking up a new one just in time for the apocalypse will require incredible timing on my part. I’m already running behind, as I only have Tommy James and the Shondels on my ipod so far.

  1. I’m sorry, but as a very short woman, I need one pair of really snazzy heels. And some red hair dye. Not even an apocalyptic event will douse the vibrance of this bright red hair!

    1. As you may recall from my Vincent Price piece, I have it on good authority that short women are allowed to have some high heels. For the record, my Volvo brand Bug-Out bag is quite spacious in case you’d like to bring a glittery cat-suit to go with the shoes (just offering). Red hair dye may prove to be a frivolous luxury item as the end-of-days may turn everyone’s hair red whether they like it or not. As a person of such small stature, I’m sure we’ll have room in the storage container for you.

    1. Surviving in style involves a high degree of civility. Certainly sharing is to encouraged whenever possible. As long as we’ve got that wine open, you’ll notice I packed TWO glasses…just sayin

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