HOW CAN I POSSIBLY COMPETE?!

Oh yeah?! Well, my diaper is authentic, and since I laid eyes on you it got a little heavier. (Image by lalalere s666 photobucket)

I’m trying to build a following without resorting to doing “blue” material or creating alternate names and following myself.  Still the competition is tougher than I thought.  A quick perusal of the net gave me a cold, hard shot of just how tough my opponents can be.  I mean, how can I possibly hope to woo readers when Yahoo is splashing headlines like these all over the internet?:

“Clooney’s girlfriend sizzles in gold dress” – You’re kidding!  George Clooney was spotted with a beautiful woman?!  She was impressive in a gold dress?!!  I’m gobsmacked!

“Aniston earns star on Walk of Fame” – Jennifer Aniston?!  That means she’s joined nearly 2500 other notables including The Incredible Mr. Limpet himself – Don Knotts, NYPD Blue tough cop Dennis Franz and late night funster Arsenio Hall!  Wow!  That IS news!

“Huge payday for hoops MVP” – What?!! The Most Valuable Player in the NBA is being reimbursed a massive amount of money?!? The logic is staggering!

“Gas theft rises with prices” – Let me see if I understand this one: gas costs more, therefore, it’s more valuable, and people are stealing things which have value.  Again, I’m at a loss for words.

As if the splashy headlines themselves weren’t stealing enough of my potential readers, Yahoo has recently posted stories which can’t help but captivate my potential readers for valuable internet minutes. These include such topics as:

Danica Patrick’s High School Yearbook Photo – From what I found online, Danica is approaching the big 3-0 years of age.  So, if my crotchety, old-person math is right, she just graduated high school like 12 years ago.  I don’t want to ruin it for you, but she looks really different today – her hair is the same, her face is the same, but now she’s wearing a snazzy racing outfit.

Rush Limbaugh apologizes for ‘insulting’ student – Apparently he was trying to be humorous and said something derogatory about a Georgetown Law school student.  Rush Limbaugh tried to be humorous and failed miserably?!?  I’m amazed, he’s usually such a wit – just ask Donavan McNabb (Oh wait, that might not be a good example).  Supposedly Rush also insulted the President of the United States.  The big news is that he apologized.

The World’s Ugliest Fish – That’s right folks, step right up, we have here a fish which is uglier than all the other fish.  It’s amazing because most fish seem so cute in a cold, slimy sort of way!

Dating Advice for the Jobless – I’m gainfully employed and married, but I’m sorry, I’ve got to go read that one right now, this stupid blog can wait till I’m done.  Obviously Yahoo is an even stronger competitor for my readers’ attention than I had previously thought.

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8 thoughts on “HOW CAN I POSSIBLY COMPETE?!

  1. Considering one of my favorite things to do is laugh, I was happy to find your blog. Great post! Looking forward to reading more. But I must say, I am surprised to hear Rush Limbaugh apologized for anything…

    1. I was surprised to hear that he apologized. The only thing more surprising would have been if I had actually heard the apology, since I tend to turn off my imaginary hearing aids whenever Rush opens that pie hole for anything other than…pie.

  2. He only apologized because he realized that his next job may be giving dating advice to the unemployed.

    1. As compelling as it was to read the dating advice for the unemployed, I would imagine Rush’s take on that topic would be even better. Nice to know yet another person is reading me. I hope you’re enjoying it.

  3. Have you seen a sea pig? Those are pretty disgusting—-Yahoo news is the worst. You don’t even want those readers. Leave them to starve on junk news.

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