Manon Kubler – Is that Samoan for “Reader With Great Taste”?

At the tattoo parlor, they told me this means “courage, faith and eternal happiness”, but the guy at Peking Gourmet said it meant” Shrimp in Szechuan Sauce with Snow Peas”. (Image from checkoutmyink.com)

A week or so ago, I got a notice that a blogger named Manon Kubler wished to re-blog one of my earlier masterpieces.  The post was my biting commentary on the government’s attempt to make bullying illegal, though truthfully, it could have been any of my blogs, they’re all just so damn re-bloggable.  I’m doing the noble thing and not putting a link to that post in here – go over to the right border later and click on “Bully For You” if you want to read it.

As an absolute whore for blogging popularity, I was more than happy to give Manon Kubler the green light to reblog my work.  I figured his scores of loyal fans would read my post, and maybe a few of them would join the fledgling ranks of my followers.  I won’t build a massive loyal following overnight, but small moves like being re-blogged could add up over time.  One complication of it all was that everything Manon wrote in his comments was in a foreign language.

At first I was too flattered to care what he had written.  He had given me exposure to some new readers and I didn’t have to do crap’s worth of work to get them.  That’s a win-win in my book.  After a while, I got curious to see what his comments were.  As my loyal readers can both tell you, I only speak English and not all that well.  My writing is only slightly better than my speech, as I have the luxury of editing and sounding the words out in the privacy of my own home before I hit “send”.  Curious as to what Manon had to say, I went to a few translation websites and started putting some of his words in there, but they didn’t get translated to English consistently.

The words looked kind of Spanish, but didn’t all get recognized by the Spanish translator website.  Maybe he spoke Portuguese or some regional dialect like Catamaran or Pekinese.  After a solid five minutes of trying, I was as stumped as ever.

I do have limited experience with foreign languages.  Occasionally, I’ll be in the home of Spanish speaking clients.   Many of these people have the Spanish television channel on at all times.  The Spanish station around these parts is very entertaining to watch.  Most of the women on it bear a resemblance to Sofia Vergara, only a bit sexier and they tend to dress more provocatively.  They teeter across the screen in 5 inch pumps with skin tight skirts and low cut blouses barely covering their impressive chests, blathering on and on about God knows what – because they’re speaking Spanish.

EeS gonna bee cloudy tomorrow and…are chu even leestening to me? !?  Eye’s up here you steenky dog! (Image of Mary Gamarra from tvallure.com)

If the woman on the screen is standing in front of a weather map and gesturing wildly with her blood-red painted nails, one might assume that she is talking about a tropical depression off the Carolinas.  I tend to provide my own custom translation wherein she is talking about how handsome I am and wishing she had me alone in a deserted vacation home in Hilton Head.  If the woman is holding a microphone as she stands in front of the burned out shell of a rowhome, I naturally assume she is describing how her desire for me burns within her like the flames which displaced a family of four in Brooklyn last night.  As you might imagine, many of my Spanish-speaking clients get a little pissy with me since I tend to ignore them and just watch their TV’s.  There’s just no pleasing some people.

Zee Rerun, he is zee genius, no? Ow ee wearz zee beret and zee sus-penderz! Hees comedy eez, how do you zay, “what eez appening”    (Image from celebslist.com)

It should come as no surprise then, that I have decided to interpret Manon Kubler’s words with meanings of my own choosing.  Here’s the gist of his words:

Manon has written that he and his thousands of avid followers have recognized me, even before my own American countrymen, as a stone-cold genius – kind of like the French did with Grampa Al Lewis and Fred “Rerun” Berry.  I am the next Ernesto Hemmingwayo in their estimation.  Beyond seeing me as a literary giant in the making, Manon’s followers have essentially deified me into something like a cargo god.  They feel they are not worthy of my incredible talent and only read my words on the sabbath.  In the event that I ever deem it necessary to travel to the South Pacific island paradise they call home, I will be greeted in a manner worthy of a spiritual master, descended from the heavens.  Manon didn’t come out and say it, but I’m pretty sure there will be a nice buffet with a roast pig and some of those fancy drinks served in hollow coconuts.

I’ll admit that I may have taken some poetic license with Manon’s words, but if he didn’t want to risk misinterpretation, he could have written his comments in English, or possibly Pig Latin.

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28 thoughts on “Manon Kubler – Is that Samoan for “Reader With Great Taste”?

    1. UN SALUDO COMPANERO , EN REALIDAD, AUN CUANDO NO SE SI CIERTAMENTE SU COMENTARIO ME BENEFICIA, LE AGRADEZCO MUCHO HABERSE TOMADO LA MOLESTIA DE DETERSE EN ESTA VIEJA PERIODISTA EN RETIRADA Y SIN CREDENCIALES Y SIN MAYOR TALENTO NI VIRTUD QUE APRECIAR EL MUNDO Y A MIS CONGENERES, SEA CUAL SEA SU ORIGEN , SU RAZA, SU COLOR, SU CRRENCIA. NO ESTOY TAN SEGURA DE SABER EXACTAMENTE QUE IDIOMA HABLO, SI EL PORTUGUES O EL TAGALO, PERO CIERTAMENTE POR MI HABLA MI CORAZON EL QUE LEGAL O ILEGALMENTE ME HIZO DETENERME EN SU BLOG Y ADMIRARLO. SALUD DESDE ESTA MAGNIFICAS TIERRAS DE PALMERAS BATIENDOSE COMO DELICIOSAS CADERAS AL RITMO DE UNA SALSA CALIENTE Y CUBANA. LE ACEPTO EL TRAGO, PERO SOLO CON EL COONONUT, PARA DESGRACIA SOY ADEMAS, ABSTEMIA. SUERTE, HERMANO Y GRACIAS POR TUS PALABRAS. MANON KUBLER PERIODISTA Y ESCRITORA VENEZOLANA ALEMANA QUE TITUBEA, ATISBA Y SE CONDUELE DE LO HERMOSO Y LO SUYO ES SIN DUDA EJEMPLAR. CARACAS 7 DE MAYO 2012

  1. I have no doubt you interpreted his comments 100% accurately. In fact, I was going to write the very same thing in this here comment box, but Manon beat me to it. The nerve of him…

  2. Oh how glad I am, you’ve taken the time to translate the wise Manon Kubler’s words. As you know, I to have let him him reblog my posts about nothing. I wouldn’t be surprised if in reality he is an American eighth grader, posting blogs of people picked at random. Then giggling as we tell him thank you, and smoking a bowl before his dad gets home from work.

    1. I prefer to think of you and I as future cargo gods living large in some tropical paradise, writing witty blogs about the sad state of this year’s breadfruit crop and the lack of good snorkling equipment but you’re probably right…a pot smoking 8th grader would be impossible to translate….be right back, the weather girl is coming back on to Univision!

  3. This post, followed by the resulting comments, is ace! And seeing as I’ve been reblogged too, you’d better make room for me on that tropical paradise 😉

    1. The more the merrier. You can be the cargo goddess. We’ll rule the islands fairly. Each sabbath, they can roast a few pigs, make rum cocktails and read from our selected works. No pressure, in the eyes of our island followers, we can do no wrong.

      It’s just a damn shame that our own countrymen cannot see us for the creative geniuses we truly are (though I did win some cookies in the 7 deadly sins competition).

      1. Excellent! I always knew I was destined for something great, and being a benevolent cargo goddess sounds like a match. Rum cocktails and cupcakes for all!!

  4. I came over from Susie’s party and loved this post. You’ve got to watch the foreign reblogs. I was very flattered by one until I translated the comments (from Romanian) and realized that what I assumed was effusive praise for my hilarious blogs was actually a pitch for illegal pharmaceuticals.

      1. Your profile pic bears an uncanny resemblance to almost every boss or fearless leader I’ve ever had! Glad you liked the post. I’ll be sure to check out your stuff as soon as I emerge from the exciting world of sale-day retail.

  5. LOL! This post came out before I was following you, so I don’t feel bad about missing it (then discovering it at Susie’s party). I have fear of rebloggers who I’m 1. unfamiliar with & 2. who re-blog in foreign languages. Maybe it’s because I speak a couple, myself, and I know that someone can tone something to sound properly effusive, all the while insulting the heck out of you…but I like to know and understand what is being said. You’re a brave, brave man.

  6. Hilarious! I haven’t always been able to decipher comments. I love your perspective on this. I will assume they are being incredibly flattering next time.
    Thanks for bringing it to the party! Have fun clicking on links and meeting my friends!

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