As an undergrad, just a million years ago or so, I majored in fine arts. My concentration was in printmaking. While my friends with “real” majors had exams and quizzes, I mostly had “crits” which is cool, art student slang for critiques. On crit day, we’d all hunker down in the printmaking studio with a proof or two of our works in progress tacked up on the wall. Just to give you business and nursing majors a general understanding, art majors don’t all have talent. Some of us were just weird and didn’t fit in anywhere else. The people with incredible talent made beautiful prints and drawings and paintings, while the talentless made ugly junk. In the spirit of full disclosure, my talent level was closer to talented than not, my motivational level was pretty close to “none”.
The woman who taught most of the printmaking courses may have been a frustrated psychologist. She’d look at a student’s print and ask things like “What is this about?” or “What are you trying to say?“. My unspoken answer was “You told us we were having a crit today, so I had to hang something up“. My actual answer was usually not a hell of a lot better and was generally along the lines of, “I dunno, it’s just people in a subway“.
The Sigmund Freud wannabe was never satisfied with my answers, and the resulting criticism of my work was usually harsher than it was for other students who had better back stories.
None of these students were foolish enough to go with the really broad, basic issues as their chosen topic. “Man’s inhumanity to man” and “The horrors of war” had already been pretty well used up by Picasso, Francisco Goya and Andy Warhol. This one kid used to put these pointless pieces of crap on the wall, which looked like he had left his paper on the bottom of a puppy cage in the Pet Pavilion at the local mall for a few days. The images were that bad, but then he’d tell these incredible stories of what the piece was about. The teacher and her lemmings would all furrow their brows and nod and make sounds like they were savoring a fine cognac while having foot massages.
I decided that my images wouldn’t change, but that my stories would. A day or two before my next crit, I sat down with one of my prints and a few beers. I looked at the piece and tried to decide what it was going to be about. I came up with a few wild yarns and committed to one of them. The problem was going to be my lack of anything resembling a poker face. I decided to compensate by holding my hand over my lower face in shame.
Crit day came and we all posted our prints. In defense of my printmaking instructor and classmates, my etchings were typically rather dark and strange. Looking back, they may have wanted to know what they were about because they feared for their safety or mine. Of course, they were totally wrong; John Wayne Gacy was the one painting clown portraits, not me. I slunked back to my seat and waited.
The first student told us all about her etching. She was a pretty girl who had no business being in art classes. She had had a wonderful dog named Skippy or some such name, back in her childhood, which was really only a few years earlier (It’s funny to think of nostalgic 19 year olds). Skippy had run away or was hit by a garbage truck or something, and the girl missed him. Her print was a poorly drawn picture of a dog. It’s face was asymetrical and the fur looked kind of like it belonged on a sea lion. It was only marginally less trite than the sunset piece she had shown us at the last crit. The instructor had to be wondering why she had pursued an MFA, that maybe she should’ve listened to her father and majored in accounting. None of the criticism the girl received addressed the fact that her dog’s face looked like it was melting or that even if it was incredibly well drawn, it still would only be a picture of a seal-dog. Instead, people talked about how to express the love and the empty pain of loss.
I sat there listening and silently rehearsing my story over and over again in my mind – praying for a poker face.
One of the really talented kids went next and it was hard for anyone to come up with anything to say beyond praising his talent and bravery for addressing his recent problems with bed wetting in such a graphically poetic manner.
The spotlight shifted to me. Great! You never want to directly follow one of the talented ones, because everyone has all kinds of pent up criticism at that point. My saving grace was that my story trumped bed wetting, big time.
“Dave,” the instructor said, “that’s a very intriguing image. What’s the idea behind it?”
“Well, ” I began, unsure if I’d actually be able to get through it. “When I was a kid, there was this lady. She was kind of strange, but my parents are in the theater, so we have some odd people hanging around a lot.” It’s always good to pepper your far-fetched stories with some truth – my parents really were theater folk, but the strangest people I met usually had nothing to do with the summer stock cast of “The King and I”.
I soldiered bravely on after a dramatic pause, “Anyway, this lady always paid more attention to me than to my brothers. She had kind of big hands and her neck was weird. One day, when my parents weren’t around…she..umm…”
I couldn’t go on, I was trying so hard not to smile, that I actually looked like I was holding back tears. The instructor jumped into the fray and started talking about the image and making sure that I didn’t have any more pressure to say anything. The other students were sneaking nervous glances at me then quickly looking back at the print. My long, complicated story about being molested by a transvestite could stay right where it was in my silly head. My classmates took the teacher’s lead and all started talking about the image, and the haunting qualities and spirit of conflict in my lines. The pretty girl with the dead seal-dog even reached over and gently touched my arm as she commented.
I couldn’t believe my ploy had worked so brilliantly! Amateur shrinks love nothing more than having one of their “patients” have a “breakthrough”. My printmaking instructor was beside herself with the power of art and her apparent abilities to help troubled youth confront the demons in their lives with paper and ink. The pretty girl probably thought better of anything more than an arm pat, as I was clearly damaged goods.
I still had to do lots of work creating and refining my prints as I pursued my degree, but I was excused from having to go into detail as to discussing the motives for my images. I was allowed to just talk about the composition and other purely graphic qualities of my stuff. Some newer classmates were undoubtedly quietly briefed by the few who were witness to my truncated tranny story.
I have to admit though, once in a while I’ll glance at one of those old prints and wonder what the hell I really was thinking of when I made it. I’ve settled on the thought that whatever it was, it was likely so horrific that I should keep the memories repressed.
32 thoughts on “Art school psychology”
Oh, you are devious. Very clever ploy you had. But in all seriousness, I am fascinated by that first image. It is dark and creepy, two states I enjoy (in moderation, of course). I think a story could come out of that. I have genuine admiration for anyone who can draw, paint, whatever–I sadly, cannot.
That drawing is over 30 years old….just realized that…it is kind of odd…the light is bizarre in it. It was actually done by smearing ground charcoal dust into a really good quality piece of paper, then the “drawing” was done with different types of erasers.
These days, my drawings are the sketches which occasionally show up in my blogs, like the Easter Bunny one and the book cover for Willie Prader, Private Eye in the 7 deadly sins competition. Speaking of which, I’m wayyy behind in the voting for best post about gluttony. Feel free to go to K8edid’s blog and vote for me…pleeeease.
My vote has been cast!
Bless you my child. I don’t get it. People raved about Willie Prader, but no one is voting for it.
You are not only a talented writer but a great artist!
aww shucks…I drew that stuff like 30 years ago.
First of all, I am attracted to your artwork (but then, Poe is one of my favorite writers), and I sincerely hope that you are really attached to it. I am still very emotionally attached to the stories I wrote way back when.
Second, I love the subtle, sardonic style.
Third, I especially appreciated the following: “The images were that bad, but then he’d tell these incredible stories of what the piece was about. The teacher and her lemmings would all furrow their brows and nod and make sounds like they were savoring a fine cognac while having foot massages.” I think too much passes as art these days just because of its incomprehensibility.
Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed it.
Glad you enjoyed it. Comments are like opium; addictive and yet never quite enough. I’d draw more, but I spend all of my time writing and working.
I think we all like comments. I like to see what my readers get out of my stories, in comparison to what I intended. Anyway, good piece. 🙂
thanks again. i’m too busy in the rest of my life to write enough lately, but i’m hoping to get back to doing more.
Just voted for your Willie Prader story. I don’t follow that particular blog yet so I didn’t think about it after I read your piece. Have you considered reminding your readers? Anyway, you’re not so way behind. Third place. Good luck. 🙂
thanks. regardless of whether i win or not, i’ve got Willie Prader to take on to the next level.
There you go! 🙂
I hope this entire story is true.
Like most stories of over 30 years of age, it would be hard to prove otherwise.
With your wonderful ability to describe situations like these I would have thought you would have studied journalism or even psychiatry, but I must say I think your artwork is pretty cool too!
I wouldn’t have majored in any of those subjects, as it would have required, studying, writing and who knows what other kinds of studious labor. In my later years, I did actually learn to be a student, which how I made it through architecture and physical therapy school, but back in those days…well…not quite as studious as I could’ve been…would you be a dear friend and go vote for my Willie Prader piece to win me glory and cookies?…the link is: http://k8edid.wordpress.com/2012/05/15/the-deadly-sin-series-gluttony-finalists/
The fact that you were molested by a trannie in your imagination says a lot more about you than if it had actually happened. Perhaps this was a deep, dark fantasy of yours? I actually like your stuff. My mom was into print making for some time…lots of intaglio etchings. Except hers were of teddy bears and local birds. Wish I could see that seal-dog print. It’s probably so ugly it’s cool.
You should ask your mother if she ever consoled a troubled young man back in college by gently touching his arm in a critique…this could be one of those creepy moments…
Erm. I doubt it.
yeah!…ha ha…that wouldn’t be likely, i’m too old to have been in college with your mom!
I doubt that. Actually, she did most of her work from home. She actually bought a press and operated it out of our garage.
Ahh! my pipe dream…always fantasized about having a press in my garage. I never got far enough into the reality of it to figure out where I’d put the acid baths and all the solvents etc.
I’m glad she didn’t go to college with me, I would have made a terrible first impression. Get it? Prints? impressions?! I’m such a wit! Thanks for that pun, midweek beer night!
Ah, Dave how easily we forget. Dave and I met and became fast friends in the printmaking department at U of Delaware. Although earning an MFA in photography, I took drawing and printmaking classes which really pissed of my advisor who thought I should be designing a new kind of darkroom. Anyway, it was a good experience and I was fortunate enough to trade for one of your lady in the subway prints which I still have and still display.
Glad to hear my subway print is still on display. It’s funny, I had no intention of fishing for compliments for the etchings and drawings, I was just too lazy to illustrate them any other way. Be a pal and vote for my Willie Prader blog to win me fame and fortune. Here’s the link: http://k8edid.wordpress.com/2012/05/15/the-deadly-sin-series-gluttony-finalists/
Ok, I win. Lose. Whatever. How I vote for you? I read your piece but I can’t figure out how to vote. I’m not an artist, I’m a writer; we’re not as smart as you artsy types. BTW, I love the darker stuff. You’re very good. I am in awe of artists.
How DO I vote for you, obviously. Duh. I’m not much of a typist, either.
I’m glad you liked my art, though it’s hardly current. Lately I’ve moved into my Easter Bunny on a barstool phase. (See my piece on True tales from the road)
I hadn’t intended to fish for art compliments, I was just too lazy to use anything else.
Here’s the link to vote for Willie Prader, Private Eye:
Fantastic post! I went to film school and then was a writing major, so I know the critique all too well. I love your point about how often times the story of how the piece was made drove opinion more than the piece itself. Anyways, just thought this post was stellar. Well done, 1 Point!
glad you enjoyed it. I think the idiocy of it all may have been lost on some readers who haven’t experienced a taste of it at some point.