Great Commercials Series – Direct TV

This guy was frustrated over his cable service. One thing led to another, and by the end of the 30 second commercial, he ended up bloody in a roadside ditch. The not-so-subliminal message: Get our product or bad stuff could happen to you. Advertising genius! (Image from

If you watch TV much you’ve probably seen the commercials that Direct TV runs about how life can go horribly wrong simply because you get frustrated with something as innocuous as your cable TV service.  The ads are incredibly smart, in that viewers are sucked into the concept and want to see how being frustrated with bad cable service can somehow lead to ones being left beaten and bloody in a roadside ditch, or selling their hair in Vegas.

If you don’t watch TV or you’re one of those high-brows who will only view commercial-free public TV, then you’re missing out on a funny series of commercials.  Why you’d be reading the drivel that I write when you’re too sophisticated for “The Real Housewives of Topeka” is a question which I cannot answer.

In my Great Commercials Series, I hope to spotlight a single great commercial or series of commercials, then examine what makes them so good.  In this case, I’ve tried to come up with my own version of the ad.  When reading my version, please switch the voice in your head to the actor who does the Direct TV ad voice-overs.  If you are not familiar enough with his voice, try Sean Connery or Pee Wee Herman.

Here now, is my version of this great commercial:

When your cable doesn’t work, you feel like you’re wasting your money.

When you feel like your wasting your money, you lose the motivation to work,

When you lose the motivation to work, you start burning through your sick days,

When you use sick days unecessarily, you start watching soap operas,

When you start watching soap operas, you become convinced that Katerina is having doubts about her feelings for Quinn,

When you start spending too much time worrying about the relationships of fictional characters, you forget about important dates, like your anniversary,

When you forget your anniversary, your wife gets angry and locks you out of the house,

When your wife locks you out of the house, you end up sleeping in the car,

When you end up sleeping in the car, you wake up with a stiff neck, a cramp in your leg and a grouchy demeanor,

When you wake up with a stiff neck, leg cramps and a grouchy demeanor, you look like a zombie to your paranoid neighbor,

When you look like a zombie to your paranoid neighbor, he mistakenly believes the apocalypse has begun,

When your neighbor believes that the apocalypse has begun, he gets out his cross-bow and shoots you in the head with a hunting arrow,

Don’t get shot in the head with a hunting arrow, get Direct TV.

He didn’t appear to have much facility with stringing up Christmas lights, and his mailbox stayed broken for months, but unfortunately for you, his crossbow skills were excellent (Image from

I’m not expecting Direct TV to be ringing my phone off the hook, but you’ve got to admit, zombies are hot right now, and Halloween is just around the corner.

Please forgive me for not posting the actual video in this blog, and just using this link to Youtube.  I’m lazy and don’t feel like paying to upgrade my blog to put videos in it.  Be a sweetheart and use the back button on your browser to come back and let me know what you thought of the post.

33 thoughts on “Great Commercials Series – Direct TV

  1. The progression of your commercial reminds me of those “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” books. Maybe you don’t know those books, but they’re written in a sequence like that. Kids love them. But I assure you, no one gets shot in the head. 🙂

  2. I love those commercials…the Charlie Sheen one in particular. Yours was dope. Do I sound dopey using a word like dope because if yes, then yours was phat. Now I sound kool.

  3. I don’t have cable and not because I’m some high-brow TV disser. It’s because I had to make a choice, budget-wise. Watch innocuous and badly scripted television shows or read your blog. Easy call.

    By the way, you CAN upload YouTube videos direct to your blog without upgrading. Call me. We’ll chat…you boob, you. 😉

    1. 1000 apologies for not writing sooner. Stuck at work with no decent internet access and a less-than-smart phone. I hope you don’t feel snubbed.

  4. I rarely watch TV. Except for Dexter, The Mentalist, Person of Interest, Big Bang Theory, America’s Next atop Model, Survivor, Antique Road Show and every episode of Law and Order.

    So not much.

    But I always fast-forward through the commercials.

    And as Blogdramedy noted: you can upload videos for no fee. But it sounds like she’s got that covered. Congratulations on being a BOOB.

    Right now, I can only dare to dream. 😉

  5. The neighbor should use a gun. I’ve never heard of arrows being effective against zombies (even when it’s not really a zombie). And I love the melodrama of your commercial; forgetting the anniversary is really a nice touch. My husband’s never done that, thus I’ve never been forced to lock him out of the house.

  6. I think I like your version of the commercial WAY better, it’ll appeal to all the fans of The Walking Dead and even to those who are in on hunting season this year! 🙂

    1. I’m not going to hold my breath on the call…on the bright side, I have another commercial loaded up and ready to go.

  7. Your take was pretty hilarious…I generally find those commercials entertaining, but then I think most commercials are better scripted than most television shows. Congrats on the whole BOOB thing…just watch out for gravity, luv.

        1. Hmm…I swore I heard that you couldn’t get it…it doesn’t matter, I’m sticking with Comcast for another couple of months until I shut it all down and focus on stocking up for the end of the world.

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