You know what’s never in yer poems or holiday stories? They never mention arctic fleas. An’ you never hear about the time I had a case of ice-mange so bad that I had a patch of fur missing that left my reindeer ass lookin’ like two monks kissing. The jolly slob hadda put down the sauce and pull a team of elves off the assembly line to weave me a butt-toupe’. Believe me, those little twerps were none too happy with that assignment – Hey! “ass-ignment” – that’s like a pun, right?
They used some extra Barbi hair they had laying around – the color was totally off. The gang was havin’ a good chuckle. That sorry rug made my tush looked like I sat in freakin’ plum pudding.
“Way to take one for the team, Dasher.” That’s what they said – laughin’ behind my cold, sore backside. We been on plenty a training runs with 6 flyers plus red-shnoz. They coulda given me the night off, it wouldna killed ’em.
“Gotta be Rudy plus 8, Dasher, you know…union regs” they said, smilin’ like jack-asses.
So yeah, flyin’ around the world in the dead of winter with your rashy rear-end barely covered by a badly woven hairpiece – that aint exactly Currier and Ives, is it? You people believe what you wanna – sometimes the truth aint pretty. Like when you look out in yer driveways and there’s no Lexus with a bow on it again this year.
Below are the links for my Blogfestivus co-conspirators. Feel free to check them out, but click “Like” on mine first and make comments before you go flitting around to other blogs.
Blogdramedy (Ring Leader, reindeer enthusiast, generally cool chick)
Steve Betz – Rewind Revise – Lenore Diane – Shouts from the Abyss –
Fit it or Deal – Lynn Schneider Books – So I Went Undercover –
Joe Owen’s Blog – MC’s Whispers – LittleWonder2 –
Blog It or Lose It! – Voice in Me – Apprentice, never master –
A Year of Daily Posts – Diary of a Sensitive Soul – Dot Knows! – k8edid
41 thoughts on “Dasher; Unbridled – Blogfestivus Series”
Really funny, had me scratching my arse! 😀 And I’m a lady!
Dear heavens…arctic fleas will do that.
Looks like I won’t be looking at Santa’s crew the same….ever again. Hahahaha! I do like the fact that they’re Teamsters…lol.
I hate to admit it, but it’s only gonna get worse. I don’t know if I can bring myself to publish the things that a few of them said.
Lol! Poor Dasher! A bad weave over the Butt Clap. No wonder he is a tad grouchy this year. Ha
I suspect he was grouchy long before the ice mange…certainly a bad rug on the butt is not gonna help.
Wow…you don’t hold back do you? Excellent. 😉
The Cool Chick *snort*
Brace yourself – it gets worse.
You know how everyone around itches after a good discussion of scabies or head lice? That’s all of us, now. thanks for that.
Great start…I love it.
Sorry bout the itching…reminds me of the time I eval’ed a new patient on a Frdiay in rehab and found out the next day he was infested with scabies. What a delightful weekend that was!
Now I am just itchy all over.
What do you mean no Lexus again this year? I’d settle for a VW.
Even a VW which is infested with artic fleas? Lemme talk with some people I know….see what I can do…
Christmas came early and you are to blame….Arctic fleas have invaded my flat. Sneaking snores with the bedbugs.
I’ve had enough…fire up the blow torch…no more crossing the lines of being too funny for words.
Which you are.
Tune in tomorrow darling – there are 8 more days coming, including one which is just plain over the line….but I’m posting it anyway.
I loveit *snort* when you call me “darling”…..
I hate those Lexus commercials. Nice finish.
I’d hate those ads less if I found a Lexus in the driveway one of these years.
I have a feeling I’m never gonna see Santa’s reindeerS in quite the same romantic way. What an imagination you do have!
It gets worse.
I have no doubt. LOL! One per day?
Yup….tomorrow is “Dancer – The E! True Hollywood Story”
Too funny! It’s like an E! True Hollywood Story but with reindeer.
And I’m still waiting for that darn Lexus. You can keep the bow.
Holy Crap! I already wrote tomorrow’s and it’s got E! True Hollywood story in the title!
I’m blog-psychic. It’s a gift. And a curse.
If you guess the direction of my Prancer post, I’m going to suspect hacking!
Nothing worse than ice-mange, and I should know. I grew up in North Dakota. 😉
You poor thing. I hope your pelt grew back.
I’ll never tell.
Well…at leasrt it explains your penchant for hats.
Frickin’ union regs. They need a better shop steward!
Yup…the man in red is running roughshod over those sorry deer.
…. I can’t get the image of two monks kissing out of my head ….
It’s very wrong, I hope you can move past this and visit the monastery again someday.
Um….. uh …..
I often have that effect on people…i hope tomorrow’s offering proves to be less traumatic for you…
You make mine look so….G rated. 🙂
It gets worse
I have no doubt. I don’t know whether to hide my rosary or hold it while reading your posts.
your choice…i’m not too rosary savvy.
Unbridled! 🙂 And arctic fleas. You can never hear too much about them.
Arctic fleas are among the hungriest, since the feeding season is brief.