You know what’s never in yer poems or holiday stories? They never mention arctic fleas. An’ you never hear about the time I had a case of ice-mange so bad that I had a patch of fur missing that left my reindeer ass lookin’ like two monks kissing. The jolly slob hadda put down the sauce and pull a team of elves off the assembly line to weave me a butt-toupe’. Believe me, those little twerps were none too happy with that assignment – Hey! “ass-ignment” – that’s like a pun, right?
They used some extra Barbi hair they had laying around – the color was totally off. The gang was havin’ a good chuckle. That sorry rug made my tush looked like I sat in freakin’ plum pudding.
“Way to take one for the team, Dasher.” That’s what they said – laughin’ behind my cold, sore backside. We been on plenty a training runs with 6 flyers plus red-shnoz. They coulda given me the night off, it wouldna killed ’em.
“Gotta be Rudy plus 8, Dasher, you know…union regs” they said, smilin’ like jack-asses.
So yeah, flyin’ around the world in the dead of winter with your rashy rear-end barely covered by a badly woven hairpiece – that aint exactly Currier and Ives, is it? You people believe what you wanna – sometimes the truth aint pretty. Like when you look out in yer driveways and there’s no Lexus with a bow on it again this year.
Below are the links for my Blogfestivus co-conspirators. Feel free to check them out, but click “Like” on mine first and make comments before you go flitting around to other blogs.
Blogdramedy (Ring Leader, reindeer enthusiast, generally cool chick)