In a recent news story, it was discovered that a shipment of 18 human heads was discovered in Chicago’s O’Hare Airport. There was some problem with the paperwork, which ended up bringing the matter to the attention of authorities. The human heads were originally sent from Illinois to Italy for research then back to Chicago for cremation.
In tribute to this bizarre story, I’ve compiled 18 random thoughts about the trip from the disembodied heads.
1. Good news, I finally got to go to Italy – well, my head got to go.
2. Italian silk ties at a discount, and here I am without a neck!
3. It doesn’t seem fair that they made me pay a full price airfare when I only used the headrest.
4. Thank goodness I remembered to bring some gum – it’s awful when your ears pop.
5. In Venice as we were about to go under one of those famous bridges, I yelled to the gondolier, “Watch your head!” We had a good laugh at that one.
6. I’m glad to be back – they didn’t have Chicago-style deep dish pizza in Italy.
7. I kept screaming at that old guy – “Put me down, I aint no damn bocci ball!”
8. The jet lag has me all messed up. I’ve got a 9:00 cremation appointment tomorrow morning, but it’ll feel like 4:00 in the afternoon!
9. I can’t believe Alec Baldwin’s head was carrying on about updating his Facebook status when we’d already been asked to shut down our iPhones.
10. On the bright side; I didn’t have to take off my shoes in security.
11. When they say items can shift around in the overhead compartment during the flight, they’re not kidding.
12. They have great public health in Italy – I got the bags under my eyes done, a nose job and still had money left over for round-trip airfare!
13. I was out of the country, how are the Bears doing in the playoffs?
14. Apparently “Teste” means “head” in Italian. For a while there, a few of us were feeling insulted.
15. I’m not much of an art guy, but the Venus de Milo really moved me.
16. That Italian food was great, but my eyes were bigger than my stomach – seriously, I have no stomach.
17. The emotional highpoint of the trip was when the Organ Donor Men’s Chorus sang their classic rendition of “I left my heart in San Francisco”.
18. I can’t believe they lost my luggage – all my souvenir hats were in there!