The Week In Normal – Two Point Oh!

My beloved brother bestowed a bottle of this fine limited edition single malt scotch upon my 50th birthday.  I typically enjoyed it out of a glass.  (Image from luxist dot com)
My beloved brother bestowed a bottle of this fine limited edition single malt scotch upon my 50th birthday. I typically enjoyed it out of a glass. (Image from luxist dot com)

A western Pennsylvania man has been charged with drinking multiple bottles of prohibition vintage whiskey while employed as the caretaker of a mansion outside of Pittsburgh.  Apparently, the hooch was hidden in the mansion during prohibition by the man of the house, away from the prying eyes of federal agents.  The 52 purloined bottles of whiskey were valued at $104,000.  While the man initially denied drinking the whiskey, his DNA was eventually recovered from several of the bottles.  I’m assuming that that the genetic evidence was from his lips, which means he was drinking $2000 a jug whiskey right out of the bottle!  That’s straight gangsta yo!

Cheating?!  Is this what they taught you at Lawrenceville Prep?!  (Image from wikipedia dot com)
Cheating?! Is this what they taught you at Lawrenceville Prep?! (Image from wikipedia dot com)

Harvard has been stripped of quiz tournament titles after officials found out that a member of the university’s team had gained unfair access to subjects to be covered in the questions.  I’m surprised – that’s such a state-school thing to do!

I don't know what's worse, the idiots at the IRS spending 60k on a worthless video, or Joe Biden and his entourage dropping a cool mill in 48 hours in the City of Lights.  (Image from wikipedia dot com)
I don’t know what’s worse, the idiots at the IRS spending 60k on a worthless video, or Joe Biden and his entourage dropping a cool mill in 48 hours in the City of Lights. (Image from wikipedia dot com)

The IRS is catching heat for a training video in which employees dressed up in Star Trek costumes then filmed their skit on a set of the Enterprise in an IRS studio….”an IRS studio” ??!  These dopes are spending my money on a studio?…to make Star Trek parody training videos?!!?  I’d be happier if they were selling crack and gambling with the profits.  I’d write a whole post about this, but I’m not enough of a Trekkie and I’m already too much of a taxpayer.

Kids today!  Am I right?!  (Image from tvgasm dot com)
Kids today! Am I right?! (Image from tvgasm dot com)

An ex-NFL cheerleader has been accused of attempting to have sexual contact with a 12 year old boy.  First and foremeost, this is a serious accusation.  That being said, where were the ex-NFL cheerleaders when I was 12?  In her defense, she admitted to approaching the boy, but said she was drunk, and confused him with an adult male who was also at the gathering.  Just to clarify, I was pretty big for my age at 12 – where were the drunk ex-NFL cheerleaders?  Seriously though, maybe she was trying to recapture her lost youth by capturing a youth.

A news chopper flew to the scene in Philadelphia’s Germantown section to report on a suspected dog fighting ring.  Like any news team, they were hell-bent on beating the other networks to the story.  Turns out at least two of the dogs in question were not feeling quite so combative as the chopper hovered nearby.  Some pitbulls find the chance of being caught in the act is a big doggie turn on.

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22 thoughts on “The Week In Normal – Two Point Oh!

  1. Ah, the IRS people. They’re not the dullards we all think they are! I want to donate a small percentage of my taxes to a fund to keep them from ever appearing in Star Trek outfits again.

  2. I have to come back later to read, but I popped in because of the Balvenie 12. After exhaustive Scotch blog reading and making many a Scotch-snob friend in the liquor store, I chose that as a birthday gift for a Scotch-snob friend, who was impressed and grateful. Gotta scoot…I’m sure this is a great post. I’ll probably say so again later. . ..

    1. I read a scotch blog on Freshly Pressed the other day, and they named the five best scotches in the world. I smelled a smokey rat when I saw that 3 of the 5 were from the same distillery.

      I actually still have some of the Balvenie signature reserve, as I only drink it on special occasions.

  3. So many vices in one post. Impressive. But I find it hard to believe you’re not much of a Trekkie. You’ve got Commander written all over you. (Or considering your jones for cheerleaders, should that be Commando?)

    1. I’ve never seen a movie with the word “Star” in the title, except for A Star is Born with Judy Garland, and that’s only because my parents are “theater people and it was required viewing.

    1. I hear that! It was kind of fun doing these week in Normal posts, but I’m starting to feel like a third string joke writer for Letterman. It’s time I got back to focussing on my favorite topic – myself!

  4. Thanks so much for the IRS story. It gives me a warm, cozy feeling of helping as I hook up the IV to give them their pints of blood this tax season.

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