Blogging has been a part of my exciting life now for about a year and a half. Like life itself, blogging has had its ups and downs. I’ve been Freshly Pegged and Freshly Pressed. I’ve drawn pictures of pigs in dresses and smoking rabbits in dive bars. I’ve been shut down and resurrected. I’ve had a few likes, and more than a few comment streams which took on lives of their own.
One of the biggest thrills I get is when the plus sign lights up telling me about the addition of another follower. The thought that someone out there enjoyed my writing so much that they clicked the “follow” button is a big reinforcer. For a moment, I can convince myself that I’m doing something right.
I often feel like I should write a quick thank-you note to new followers. I picture a brief, personalized message on that fancy handmade stationary with the deckled edge. Alas, I’ve been so busy watching early German fetish porn and trying to come up with new posts, I never get around to sending the notes. To be perfectly honest, I haven’t even gotten around to buying the stationary yet.
I’ve decided instead to spotlight a couple of lucky followers as a gesture of gratitude to you all. If it’s not you, I’m hopeful you’ll understand. Perhaps I’ll do it again in a few months, and you’ll have another chance then. Don’t act so petty about it – we both know that pouting’s not a good look for you.
The first follower I’d like to profile is none other than ibshealthteam.
ibshealthteam is a blog devoted to providing support to the thousands of women and handful of men who suffer from the dark, shameful secret of IBS, or Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I tip my hat to this courageous blogger, who’s single-handedly taking on this embarrassing, often malodorous syndrome. The author appears to be a beautiful woman who posed for her Gravatar photo on a beach with her arms outstretched and the wind in her hair. It’s hard to imagine such a lovely creature could know anything about the constipation and flatulance related to IBS, but maybe the seabreeze is helping matters. She is truly devoted to getting the message out to as many people as she can. In fact, virtually every blogger I know has been followed by this brave beauty of the bowels. There is a rumor that she has followed every single blog on the WordPress site. I’m sure a few of us who suffer from over-active imaginations may have come to believe that we too suffer from IBS, forgetting for the moment that we hit the all-you-can-eat buffet at El Sombrero over by the mall last night.
The second new follower I’m going to profile is acvhub. The acv in acvhub stands for apple cider vinegar. I’m pretty sure hub part stands for “hub”. This exciting blog showcases the myriad of healthy uses for, you guessed it, apple cider vinegar. Careful readers/viewers will notice that the posts specify Bragg’s Organic Apple Cider Vinegar above all others. I say readers/viewers because the blog posts are created using a unique formula; Each one is actually just the written transcript of the accompanying video. It’s kind of like going to a meeting and having that chucklehead from marketing read his Power-Point presentation to you verbatim. Pairing the videos with the text is a great idea, because let’s face it, not all blog readers can actually read. I don’t know if the makers of Bragg’s Organic Apple Cider Vinegar are aware of the blitzkrieg of free publicity they’re getting or not. Obviously the good people at WordPress are oblivious to it.
Since both of these bloggers appear to be prolific, if indescriminate followers, I’m secretly hoping that they cross paths and join forces. I’m certain that Bragg’s Organic Apple Cider Vinegar can be used to effectively treat and cure irritable bowel syndrome. The Bragg company will be able to use the resulting profits to give up living like parasites on blogs and start advertising during the Super Bowl like everyone else. The IBS people can move on to another cause. They could even use the same initials to represent another group of sufferers. Of course, I’m referring to Irritating Blog Sycophants, wherein people who actually write are followed by people who aren’t even people, who use the creative efforts of others to selfishly plug their products and causes.
Tune in next time, when I profile several followers who don’t appear to write anything whatsoever or speak English, yet follow my blog. I’m guessing they are just tagging along for the centerfolds and off-color cartoons.