It’s all over the interweb, Shia LeBeouf is quitting public life! If you’re like me, there are two questions which immediately spring to mind: 1) Who the hell is Shia LeBeouf? and 2) Why should someone like myself give a rat’s ass that I may never find out who the hell he is?
A quick Google search has revealed that Shia (we’re on a first name basis now) is an actor. For your edification, Shia is pronounced SHY-uh, and essentially rhymes with Hi-ya. It’s odd that I discovered this just in time to say goodbye-ah. With that name, he was bound to end up a thespian or a temperamental chef.
Lebeouf got his start in a show on the Disney channel – and somehow I missed it! Later, he went on to featured roles in quite a few flicks I’ve never seen, including all three of the toy-based block buster “Transformers” movies. As a self-proclaimed old codger, I’m more interested in getting enough fiber in my diet than I am in seeing films about tractor trailers which transform into giant flying killer-robots. Lebeouf was also featured in one of the fourteen Indiana Jones movies. Once again, my taste in movies kept me from dropping ten bucks to see what death defying hijinx Harrison Ford was up to this time. I’m not really an Indiana Jones fan anyway, but I’m pretty sure Shia did not play the cute little Asian kid in the mining car.
Like many young actors, Shia’s been in a few scrapes with the law. At one point, a neighbor was chatting with someone in his car and blocking Shia from getting into his driveway. According to a witness, Shia rammed the guy’s car and threatened him. In another instance, Shia supposedly got into trouble for not leaving a Chicago Walgreen’s when asked to do so by management.
Both of these unfortunate incidents must have made good fodder for the gossip rags. Though I have never spoken with Shia about these two stories, I’m entitled to my opinions. As for the first one, I feel bad for Lebeouf; if you’re getting blocked from accessing your own driveway, it damn well better be for a good reason. Such reasons might include firefighters getting a kitten out of a tree or perhaps vindictive staffers of a politician having jammed up a certain bridge to send somebody a little message. One could also be expected to accept traffic issues if a piece of earth moving equipment from a nearby construction site had transformed into a massive automaton with death-ray capabilities and was terrorizing the neighborhood. If that yahoo from across the street was sitting there in his mid-life crisis Porsche chatting it up with his 26 year old piece of eye candy, then a little bumper ramming might have been in order. As for the Walgreen’s incident, you’re on your own, Shia. I’ve been in a few Walgreen’s and I don’t understand why anyone would want to stay in there one second longer than necessary – just pick up your anti-fungal cream and get the hell out.
In any case, that’s the life of a movie star. People follow you around and everything you do is under a microscope. I can’t believe that no one ever told Shia about that clause in the job description. I’m not sure he’s going to continue acting while avoiding the public eye, or just quit the Hollywood rat race entirely. The answer to that question is surely somewhere in his statement about quitting public life. To find out more, I’d have to go read it, and my attention to Lebeouf’s headlines would only fan the flames he’s trying to extinguish. As for the irony of someone who’s in the public eye using that very same fame and media access to announce that he’s retiring from public life, I’ll leave that for a more clever writer to discuss. I don’t have the time to write that post, I’ve got to contact my cable provider to find out why I don’t get the Disney channel.
24 thoughts on “Shia, We Hardly Knew Ye”
Must be a mini-epidemic. Justin Bieber just announced his retirement as well. When I heard that, I yawned. I yawned again hearing the news about Shia. It’s just so hard to believe there aren’t any good roles for young, good-looking white men in Hollywood. How very not sad.
It’s believed that yawning is a subconscious reaction to increase the amount of oxygen your body gets. Perhaps Shia and the Biebs are stifling you in some way…
Or they just suck the life out of most of us.
Shame on you Dave! Didn’t know Shia. Deceptacon is looking for you. Be careful the next time you think you getting into “your” car.
My car would never betray me. We get along very well, I park way out in the middle of nowhere to protect it from shopping carts and door dings, and I only feed it premium. The windshield washer reservoir is filled with Ketel One vodka with a dash of Blue Curacao for color.
WE LOVE YOU SHIA! Please don’t go. You have such beautiful hair – – – and that beard is to die for – – – and that smarmy look – – – you are just a complete package.
Which begs the question: A complete package of what?
“It’s odd that I discovered this just in time to say goodbye-ah.”—Great line! Made me laugh out loud.
He was also in trouble recently for plagiarism. Pretty blatant plagiarism if the stories are to be believed. Guess I might bow out of the public eye as well if I were him.
Maybe he’ll plagiarize my blog about him. The whole thing will kind of be like looking at yourself in a mirror in another mirror, sort of…
It’d be mind-blowing!
It’ll make a great movie! Who can we get to play Shia?
Shia, of course, because just like every other actor who said he/she’s retiring, he’ll be back.
Like the proverbial bad penny.
Good-by, Shi-yuh! Don’t let the door hit you in the a– on the way out! BTW, enjoyed the whole blog. Great.
Glad you liked it. If there’s one thing these grandiose gestures tell us, it’s that we haven’t seen or heard the last of Shia, not by a long shot.
Shia just kind of screams “douche.” Good riddance I say.
“douche” is an alternate pronunciation.
if he keeps pulling outrageous stunts like ramming people’s cars and shopping at Walgreens, he’s going to stay in the public life – if Lindsay Lohan is any indication.
Rumor has it Walgreens wont let Lindsay Lohan leave – she’s just that good for business.
The rumor I heard was that she was just too drunk to find the exit…
Also a possibility, though I think you’re thinking of when she was in CVS.
Thanks for enlightening me as to who this fella is he will be missed until his new film is released
I can’t believe I missed this important story. I’m so ashamed that I’ve allowed the petty concerns of my OWN small life to outweigh the obvious pain being suffered by veteran artist….well known actor….Mr. Where’s Le Beouf.
It’s okay Peg, we understand that Shia’s announcement might have slipped by you, it almost got past me too, luckily, I just happened to be combing through my usual sources looking for news on Kanye and Kim and stumbled across it. Now my life may never be the same.