There’s a cool thing all over Facebook. The program asks you a bunch of questions about yourself, and in return tells you which character you’d be in “Game of Thrones”, or “Star Wars”, or “To Catch A Predator.” As if finding out which character you’d be in a make-believe TV show or movie isn’t enough fun, you can also choose to use your initials to find out what your dragon name would be, if you were, you know, a dragon.
Even though I’m almost positive that Facebook is selling my personality quiz answers to the marketing expert with the deepest pockets, I went ahead and took every one of these tests I could find, for the sake of my art (Plus, I didn’t have much else to write about since the polar vortex is pretty well spent as a subject). Here now, in no particular order, are the results:
Which “Star Wars” Character Are You?: You’re competitive and incredibly loyal. Your strong spiritual beliefs guide you through this land and will serve you well in faraway galaxies. You are Ghan-Ghan, R2-D2’s pet electric can opener from “Star Wars XVII – Escape From Popularity”
Which “Star Trek” Character Are You?: You are self-reliant and very independent. Ever an opportunist, you’re always on the look out for an advantage. You put no stock in organized religion or coed team sports. You are Phylleus, warrior of the Wo-Ran dynasty from “Star Trek – When Epics Fail; The Auroras Bore Me, Alice”. Your character can be seen for roughly 23 seconds in the 43rd minute of the movie.
Which “Disney” Character Are You?: You have an insatiable hunger for cheese. Your habit of scurrying along baseboards and wearing four-fingered white gloves does not go unnoticed. Those ears of yours are rather prominent. You are “Flounder” the blue and yellow fish who is any species other than flounder from The Little Mermaid. Click here for special values on great Disney products and promotions reserved for “Flounder” types like you!
Which “Game of Thrones” Character Are You?: Your trait of having never really paid attention to the names of characters is obvious from the answers to the personality test. There is a deep and complex story being told here – Game of Thrones is more than just topless medieval chicks and people beheaded with single swipes of broadswords. Your character is Paal-Gor from the Hidden Valley of Theon. If you want to see who he is, try watching an entire season and paying attention.
Which “The Big Bang Theory” Character Are You?: You are clearly not a genius, and as such you do not qualify to be one of the main characters. In addition, you are not an attractive female, so you cannot be Penny either. You are Zumwalt the kindhearted dishwasher at The Cheesecake Factory where Penny works. Zumwalt has no lines, but he scrubs a mean pot.
Which “Gilligan’s Island” Character Are You?: Your lack of responses to quiz questions 3, 7 and 14 – 22 eliminate you from consideration for any main role. You are Thurston Howell III’s croquet mallet.
What Is Your Dragon Name?: Your dragon name is Fiery Diarrhea. You fly through the barren mountain passes in the mythical land of Haben-Aero.
What Is Your Rap Name?: Your rap name is Scratchy Smooth. Your def lyrics are interspersed with the rhythmic scratching of your chronic eczema.
What Is Your California Prison ID Number?: Your number is 0098329904-K. You are currently incarcerated for insurance fraud. Your cellmate is in for assault, attempted murder and animal cruelty. You have no gang affiliations yet, and shower day is Tuesday. It is recommended that you start fashioning a shiv from an old toothbrush and learn to make wine in a stainless steel toilet.
What Career Should You Actually Have: According to our personality test, you should be the curb man on a trash truck in suburban Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Your ability to jump on and off slow moving vehicles and tolerate foul smells will serve you well. In addition, your embracing the idea of one man’s trash being another man’s treasure may result in an early retirement.
What Animal You Would Be If You Weren’t Already A Human Animal?: You personality test reveals that you would be an indecisive raccoon on the side of a busy interstate. You might not be one for long though. Looks like there’s a break in the traffic right here, you should go…Now!…No! Wait!…No No – Go! Oops.
Which “Sopranos” Character Are You?: The results show that you’re already in Jersey and a little overweight. You are Freddy “Pine Nuts” DiDomenico. You may or may not currently be in the witness relocation program, and we really can’t give any more details than that.
As we learned from my answers in the “Which ‘Welcome Back Kotter’ Character Are You?” quiz, I’m exceedingly generous. In that spirit, if you tell me one or two things about yourself in the comments section, I will tell you which character in my many blogs or in my personal life best matches your unique personality. If you give me no traits, I’ll just randomly assign one to you, and we’ll all have a hearty laugh at your expense.
63 thoughts on “I Failed My Personality Quiz”
I am gullible but jaded: I’m not sure that all of these are actual quizzes, but I’d be interested to try them.
Another blogger wrote a similar summary of his quiz results, which included a Friends character quiz. No brainer, thought I. I’m sure I know the answer. Nope. It turns out I’m Mike Hannigan. I don’t even remember Mike Hannigan.
“Friends”?! I forgot “Friends”?? I can’t believe I went to the trouble of making some of these up when I could have put “Friends” in there. You may have scored Mike Hannigan in the quiz you took, but according to my calculations…lemme just carry the one here and the answer is: Congratulations, you are Brittany from my award ignored post https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/04/07/tylerbrittanygrayson-scored-the-winning-goalbasketrun/
I like it. I’m going to spend the rest of the day sitting on the bench and insisting everyone call me Brittany. Your quiz algorithms are spot on.
Plus, in the true spirit of Facebook, I’m wasting no time using your personal data for my own evil marketing ploys.
Keep it up, Sassy-pants, and I’ll feed that data into the system and come up with another match for you.
That wasn’t a threat, you know I love you, Sassy Pants!
I was trying to remember if you’d ever written about a Madge. I have always had a fear of being mistaken for Madge. Time to leave the desk chair! Have fun not using anyone’s quiz answers for marketing purposes!!
I actually work with a woman named Madge – she does not qualify for my personality quiz, as she may well be clinically insane.
My point exactly.
I actually took a Star Wars quiz (that was before the novelty wore off). It turns out I am Princess Amidala, which means I’m qualified to say “Luke, I am you mutha!”
I’ve put your information into my system, and after a brief delay due to the squirrels on the treadmill being underfed, I came up with your match. You are President Barrack Hussein Obama from my much ignored post “Wango Tango, Mr. President” https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/wango-tango-mr-president/
I feel honored, unless what you are saying is that I also remind you of a coyote peeing on a sofa. 🙂
Not at all. My program based the decision on your profile, demographics, typing style and the chance that the comment might have generated a hit or two on that pathetic post.
Honestly, I don’t think my demographic profile or typing style is anything close to BO, which still makes your analysis about as accurate as any of these quizzes.
Technically you may be right, but isn’t it fun to pretend?
I once took a personality quiz and was disappointed to discover that I was myself.
According to my computer data, your character match is the Polish gynecologist in this post: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/yo-wassup-g-spot/
Ви дуже близькі. Я є український proctologist. Не багато відстані між двох.
You sweet talker, Betty Crocker!
Too funny. I dreamt last night that I was back in my 20’s, living in a combination brothel/ “bath house” (I’m female), and auditioning for Saturday Night Live with Kristen Wieg. Lorne Micheals thought I killed it. I woke up back in my 50’s with a sink full of dirty dishes that mysteriously appeared overnight, along with a painfully burned popcorn pot that neither of my (fully grown) kids will ever scrub. Who am I?? ( I ask myself, too)
My my, that’s a ton of data for me to process. After a careful assessment, it’s been determined that your character match is the coffee lady in this blog. Please let me know if I’m wrong, but I think we both know I’m right. https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/ill-have-a-venti-mocha-latte-where-the-sun-dont-shine/
Umm, I think your “processor” needs a good enema. You aren’t even close, but I gave you another ‘like’ for the punny article you made me read. Try again, 1Point!
Far be it for me to leave a customer dissatisfied. I reprocessed your data, and your new match is head #18 in this post: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2013/01/21/eighteen-heads-are-better-than-one/
That’s more like it. Though I’d rather be Head #5. You squeezed another ‘like ‘ outa me, Buster.
Your happiness is my goal. I’ll run the data again in the morning…I promise.
Goody! ( Why do I feel like I’m the rube here??)
Your results are in, you are Mrs. Light, in the following award winning post: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/04/30/willie-prader-private-eye-deadly-sin-series-a-glutton-for-punishment/
Bingo! I’ll take it, before you change your mind and make me brainless, headless, old or fat. Since I’m none of the above. And I’ve ‘liked’ all your posts. Keep ’em coming — you bring the “loud” back to lol for this babe.
“Mrs. Light” — I even love my new name!
I think from this post that you are in for some disturbing solicitation emails.
Please post about them.
Two things about myself?
I don’t like cilantro.
Pralines are my favorite nut. Next to you.
I can always hope for some email which doesn’t consist entirely of ads for erectile dysfunction pills from Mexico.
I’ve entered your data into my super computer, and the character profile you match is Crystal Light in the “Lust” chapter of my 7 deadly sins competition. Read it for yourself and tell me I’m wrong. https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/07/25/the-7-deadly-sins-series-crystal-light-and-the-look-of-lust/
You nailed me.
Only…perhaps not the best choice of words.
And I think I’ll spell Crystal with an “i.” One with a heart in place of a dot. Because that’s more sophisticated.
Nice espadrilles, by the way.
Wow! That California Prison ID one is eerily accurate.
Despite the lack of info in your comment, I was able to match you with one of my characters. It’s Lana Black, Wallace’s missing wife in this gem: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2013/03/30/14-seahorse-court/
Oh, crap…and pul-eeze not in the prison toilet because it is your turn to foot-stomp the grapes…but I think they got our prison ID numbers mixed up…which does not bode well for either one of us….
I took the liberty of putting your info into my program. I hope you don’t take offense, but the character you’ve been matched with is Beulah in this post: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/forty-seven-shades-of-pink/
Lupine lothario?? Is that a wine label or a new foreign country recently established to collect US foreign aid?
Darling, Beulah is difficult to defend…or offend….
Unlike many of my female characters, Beulah was actually immortalized in ink and colored pencils….so there’s that…
Me! Me! Traits: I think you’re hilarious (which probably means I’m clinically insane) and I LUV dark chocolate, sometimes with a hint of cayenne. 🙂 Also, I’m bossy and play tennis. How these relate I have no idea.
I’m glad you think I’m hilarious. I’ve entered your data into this complex program, and it’s determined that your character match is Francine in this post: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/12/23/holiday-greetings-from-the-zombie-apocalypse/
My personality test came back and said, “I am afraid to tell you”.
I fed that scant bit of info into my magic program, and determined that your character is my pretty young colleague in this post: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/08/16/notes-from-an-old-codger-volume-i/
I’ve got enough voices in my head screaming for attention, why would I need an alter ego? It’s difficult enough just being me 24/7. With all those alters you just acquired, aren’t you having just a little teensy bit of an identity crisis?
You are one funny dude. Loved your post!
Thanks for the love! Whether you like it or not, you’ve been matched to a personality in one of my posts. You are Dr. Ruth in this post: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/yo-wassup-g-spot/
Well, here goes.
I like piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And I frequently do yoga, because I only have half a brain.
Feed that into your algorithm thingey.
All personality quirks, duly noted….and the answer is: you are the unfortunate cat in this post – my condolences on your weird owner. https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/ill-have-a-venti-mocha-latte-where-the-sun-dont-shine/
So, I’m a cat that gets licked by its owner?
That’s disturbing. But not as disturbing as the Ass-Mug.
Okay, you got me. I’m following. I could use a few normal bloggers to follow and unfortunately, you actually qualify. That’s how fucked up my life is.
I’d be offended by you putting me in the normal category, but having allowed my program to name you as an emotionally abused cat, I don’t have much room to talk. If you’d like to cleanse your mental palette from that disturbing coffee/cat grooming story, feel free to click on one of the other links in the comments. “I’m a fan of 47 shades of pink” and “willie prader a glutton for punishment” In any case, welcome aboard!
I cracked up at the wine making comment!
Kudos to you for your wine-making humor. Your data reveals that you are Earl, in this blog: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/12/23/holiday-greetings-from-the-zombie-apocalypse/
I try those tests and the only thing any of them ever tell me is 42.
I entered your data, you are the diner waitress in the following post, and though you may one day be 42, you’ll never look a day over 29. https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/04/30/willie-prader-private-eye-deadly-sin-series-a-glutton-for-punishment/
“Built when meat was cheap” – hysterical !
You must tell me your secret, how did you know I’m actually blonde !?! (only started dying my hair red about a year ago…)
I could make a cheap joke and say it was because of all the White-Out on your computer screen, but I’m better than that.
Glad you liked the post! The leggy blond shows up throughout the 7 Deadly sins series.
I LOVE dumb blonde jokes ! I have sooo much reading to catch up on – I think I am the last person in the western world to start a blog.
My Facebook was blowing up with these for the past few weeks. It really made me rethink my “friends” list … seriously, I had some people who were a little too excited about being Luck Skywalker and Cinderella.
Despite your blatant cynicism regarding these personality quizzes, I’ve taken the liberty of feeding your info into the wondrous computer program. Even though you probably think of yourself as Luck Skywalker or Princess Layla, you are in fact Mitzee the dachshund in this long forgotten blog gem: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/03/03/ruminations-on-house-hunters/
“Star Trek – When Epics Fail; The Auroras Bore Me, Alice”. Bwahahahaha!
With your mad personality skills I’m sure you’ll soon be even more popular than Marianne around the cell-block.
Sorry about having to turn you in for that insurance fraud beef, though.
Your over zealous insurance police work has not gone unrewarded. Your personality profile has matched you with Skippy, in this post: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/03/11/r-i-p-skippy-we-miss-you/
I stumbled upon your blog today. Don’t know how I missed it before. Good stuff! Also, I too have taken some of those silly personality tests. Most recently I took the Star Wars test even though I’ve only seen the first few films (I have a lot of catching up to do I guess). As it turned out the test said that I’m Amadalla (sp?), and I’m not even sure who that is.
Sorry to hear you stumbled across my blog – undoubtedly one of the kids left it sitting out on the floor – my apologies.
I took a neuroscience course and decided I’m Amygdala – but I get all emotional when I talk about it.
A thousand pardons! I was so busy apologizing about you tripping over my blog and then trying to be funny by making brain anatomy jokes, I totally neglected to feed your data into my character matching program. Better late than never, right? You, sir, are none other than the world famous Manon Kubler from this epic post: https://1pointperspective.wordpress.com/2012/05/08/manon-kubler-is-that-samoan-for-reader-with-great-taste/