A friend of mine posted this thing on Facebook. It’s a shining example of one of those passive-aggressive/feel-good/one-upsmanship things that show up there. My interpretation of the message is “Look at me and how selfless and wonderful I am! You can try to show how great you are by re-posting it, but you’ll never be as great as me, because I posted it first. If you don’t re-post it, we can all just accept how horrible a person you must be.” (Your interpretation may vary, it’s a free world). Here it is:
Since it’s posted here and not on my Facebook page, readers are permitted to not feel guilty if they are okay with orphans remaining alone or for sick people staying ill. As a rule, my Facebook page seldom shows much more than my blog links. I try to avoid posting any sort of “happy horse-shit/pray for my cancer riddled Dachshund/what-the-world-needs-now-is-love-sweet-love” types of things. Ironically, since there will be a link to this post, the above message will end up showing up on my Facebook wall, albeit in a roundabout sort of way.
Faithful readers may recall my earlier attempts at creating my own stuff to post on Facebook. In one blog post I came up with several inspirational posters, and in another I developed a yet to be patented decoder ring for FB posts. Sadly none of them have taken off and been re-posted hundreds of thousands of times. The lack of a meteoric rise in success of posters like the one below may be due to a paucity of wit among readers*, a lack of readers in general, or the fact there are no kittens in any of the photos.
(* Not you, Darling, those other readers – you know who I mean!)
Despite my previous failures, the post that my friend passed along like an emotional flu bug has inspired me to try one more time. I’ve developed my own “I Want I Want I Want” poster, which is brutally honest and not designed to make anyone feel crappy for not posting it. That being said, if you don’t post it on your Facebook wall, I’ll mope around the house and wish I’d never gone to all this trouble.
28 thoughts on “What Do I Want? Glad You Asked!”
Darling…warm and fuzzy that you clarified [*]. If you think, however, this gets you off the hook for sluffing in the barn chore department with that fake sling….
think again SweetCheeks.
When you call me Sweet Cheeks, I feel all warm and fuzzy…or maybe it’s the humidity here.
I’ve seen that I Want-I Want blah-de-bloo several times on Facebook, and I don’t repost because I’m a hateful person. I like your want list way more, especially the cage match.
I also want to see Vladimir Putin with his shirt on, but I’m just being greedy now.
Ok. you are hysterical. Thanks.
I want a houseful of pets who never need to go to the vet and clean up their own poop.
Pet rocks may be your best bet, though my dog has been known to clean up her own poop on occasion, in a most repulsive manner.
I’ll burn in Facebook hell for not giving a tinkers dam about Fritzy’s lymphoma. Now, about The Donald’s barber’s cell number…
Good laugh on that one.
Damn, that was funny. Thank you.
I should have added “make Mer smile” to my list, but I ran out of space.
It’s quite alright, I forgive you.
Those bastards still won’t delete my FB account. They hate me… because I don’t like FB.
I don’t like FB either, but I need material, and the site is well stocked.
True dat. That’s a treasure trove of material.
It’s also kind of like that car crash. You know you shouldn’t slow down and look, but you do anyway.
I want someone to re-leash the Mind. And I want people to stop thinking that displaying plain text in an ugly white font on a black background somehow makes it more profound. And some ice cream.
Suddenly I’m craving black ice cream with white sprinkles.
This is Fab! I would like people to stop uploading angry statuses without full explanation.
“It’s times like this u find out ur tru friends are”
Who are you talking about goddam it? What happened? What did they do to deserve this? Either explain or shut up!
Phew! Now I feel better x
All my friends and family are on Facebook. And reading their updates? Riveting.
I’m starting to think I want new friends. And maybe find out I’m adopted.
I want. That’s all. I just want.
I’m tempted to block the posts of the biggest offenders, but I’m unable to do so for fear of missing out on that one unique inspirational poster which might inspire me to do something (other than bitch about inspirational posters) .
There are only two quotes I’ve seen that I’ve adopted. Neither would qualify as “inspirational” but that’s why I like them:
“Write drunk; edit sober.”
“Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
“When your only tool is a hammer, every problem is a nail” Words to live by, unless you’re a carpenter (or a nail).
I want what you want, Dave. Plus, I want to give a good, damn crap about Facebook so I could actually have the incentive to POST your fabulous list on my page and add a whole 67 people to the groundswell that is sure to make it viral.
67 more people should bring the Facebook view total up over 70. Go Dave!
First read today. It made my day.
Glad you enjoyed it. If your day goes downhill from here, feel free to read some more.