I look for blog topics everywhere I go. A case in point, while looking through a trash can near the Santa Monica pier for half eaten burritos and/or aluminum cans, a wadded up piece of paper from a yellow legal tablet caught my eye.
I unwrinkled and smoothed it out as much as I could. After reading it over a few times, I’m convinced that this random piece of trash may in fact be Bruce Jenner’s Bucket List. Give it the once over and decide for yourself (I took the liberty of adding a few pictures – the original only had some doodles of hearts, unicorns and Olympic rings in the margins).
1. Win Olympic Gold Medal – Done 1976
2. Grace the cover of the Wheaties box – Done (Twice, but who’s counting?)
3. Get involved with a zany family – Done – Married Kris Kardashian 1991
4. Become a reality TV star – Done – After various attempts, finally hit the big time with “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” in 2007
5. Give Kim all the relationship advice I can – I’ve tried, Lord knows I’ve tried. She’s Kanye’s problem now!
6. Get safely past the menopause years before changing my gender – As a 65 year old gal, I’ll avoid hot flashes and qualify for an AARP discount at The Fashion Hutt! Since I technically still have my boy parts, I can’t cross this one off the list just yet!
7. Become a woman just in time to take advantage of the Bea Arthur estate sale – I haven’t seen any flyers posted down at the community center, I hope I didn’t miss it!
8. Find the most sure-fire way possible to get back on the front of the tabloids – Done! Those rags are gobbling this story up! The only celebrities who have weirder stories than me are Michael Jackson and Elvis, and they’re both (supposedly) dead.
9. Piss off the Wheaties people by going both gluten free and penis free – Almost done. I assume I’m close to achieving this, their people haven’t returned my people’s calls in a few years
10. Get on “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” – Done!
11. Get on “I’m A Celebrity – Get Me Out Of Here!” – Done!!
12. Get on “My Strange Addiction” – They haven’t called yet, but I’m thinking they will
13. Talk to Kim about how to get some junk in my trunk – Maybe when she’s done breaking the interweb and naming her kids after directions on a compass, she can give me some booty pointers
14. Play Pebble Beach from the ladies tees. Soon, baby…Soon!
15. If I’m going to throw the javelin, I need to learn to throw it like a girl (and not one of those East German chicks from back in my Olympic days). I saw on that Super Bowl commercial that it’s not politically correct to talk about “throwing like a girl”, but if I’ve learned one thing from this “journey” it’s that just growing my hair long and smearing some Mary Kay foundation over my 5 o’clock shadow doesn’t make me a woman.
16. Learn how to walk in heels – I won the Olympic decathlon, for crying out loud! How hard can a nice pair of pumps be?!
17. Make America proud – Done! That gold medal in ’76 certainly did the trick
18. Make America throw up in its mouth a little – Working on it every day. I can do this, I know I can!
19. Take advantage of these incredible cheekbones! – This rouge is tricky stuff. If I don’t get the hang of it, I’m going to end up looking like Leona Helmsley
20. Start peeing sitting down – This one should be easy, after teetering around in those heels, I’ll take any chance I can get to get off my feet!
1pointperspective 
Darling. Know there’s a trick question in there somewhere. Pencils are sharpened and other books and stuff: shovel, pitchfork, the odd bale of hay, neatly stacked under my desk. I’m ready. Say when…
Not to worry – this stuff is all south of you…you’re safe from the freak show for now.
Thank you, I’m sure.
I think we both know Bruce is only doing this in the hopes of getting his OWN reality television show. And we both know there’s lots of demand for this type of quality television.
He’s one of the many, many, many, oh my god reasons I cancelled my cable.
He supposedly has a show lined up to chronicle this bizarre transformation. Hopefully they digitize the hell out of it.
I’d rather watch the television test pattern.
I heard the test pattern is getting implants, just so you know.
As long as it’s butt implants. I can’t take another shot of big fake boobs. So often they come with small brains.
Actually it’s dental implants for a brighter smile. I’m shocked you assumed it was some sort “naughty bits” implants. (wink, nudge, etc)
When I heard the news about him, I thought, well of course! Not surprising to me. Nothing is anymore.
I recall watching him as a kid…now…geez…
You go girl!
That’ll take some getting used to – I mean when Bruce needs to go and he doesn’t know which restroom to use.
No reality show for Bruce – he has officially crossed over into the “un”real zone.
I’d love a show that featured him competing in the decathlon while wearing a pair of sling back mules, pleated skirt, floral print blouse and some really dangly earrings…umm…actually, no I wouldn’t.
Hey, you gotta work his latest thing with the car accident into this. Talk about timing – you are totally cutting edge with what all the cool kids are talking about.
I’d already written it and created the collage on my smart phone when the accident story broke. As if it wasnt bad enough that someone died in an accident, they died in an accident with Bruce Jenner.
He should have done this when he was still pretty. It’s one thing to become a woman, but why would you want to become a big ole ugly woman?
I’m happy if he’s happy….
Methinks he”s spent a tad too much time with that strange tribe of Kardashians.
So do I!
Maybe it’s because there are way too many big ole ugly men out there.
#18 aka bomitting? Am I right? Oh Bruce. 🙂
You’re so right, and it’s all so wrong.
I remember the first time I even saw a man dressed as a woman. It was before all this was known or talked about, and I was a young teenager (innocent) in Union Square in San Francisco on a school field trip. I watched this huge man, heading uphill on the sidewalk towards the sunset, trying to walk in heels, ankles buckling, and it just seemed so odd, as he grasped his purse and shawl, with a woman’s hat on his head and his dress swirling in the breeze. Seemed odd then and I guess it still does. I like masculine men!
I couldn’t resist the Bruce Jenner story. Little did I know the degree of adoration the story would eventually generate. I’m not afraid of being politically incorrect, I was born this way.