Great Aunt Tilda Was A “Rough Rider”?

Obscure Sexual Acts 1850’s – 1930’s

We may not care to admit it, but the variety of bizarre human sexual practices here on the planet are nearly as interesting as the names they’re given.  Perverse behaviors such as the “Blind Mailman” or the “Dirty Sippy Cup” are as intriguing to some of us as they are disgusting to others.  Many are christened with geographic names, such as the “Cincinnati Barstool” or the infamous “Biloxi Shrimp Boat“, effectively tainting entire regions.

People may believe that the assigning of names for deviant sex acts is something new, but this is far from the truth.  In my research, I’ve discovered quite a few from bygone days.  I’ve restricted myself to obsolete American sex acts.  I wouldn’t want to imply that this isn’t a global phenomenon – it’s just that my fluency in foreign languages can best be described as “c’est merde“.

I’m too interested in keeping my blog’s R rating to go into much detail at to what these feats of depravity entail – I’ll leave it to the lurid imaginations of my gentle readers (For the record, a “Gentle Reader” is not some sort of deviant sexual thing, it’s just a couple of words – stop jumping ahead!).  If your curiosity overwhelms you, click this link to find a graphic description of what each and every one of these decadent acts includes, complete with diagrams, lubrication charts and legal disclaimers.

The Millard Fillmore” – This one had it all.  It referred to a president and included the words “lard” “fill” and “more“.  This was one of the first, but certainly not the last of President-related sex-act names which also included one called a “Chester Arthur” and another affectionately known as “The Tricky Dick“.

A 23 Skidoo” – It should be noted that this particular bit of naughtiness was popular long before modern laundry equipment was available to most Americans.

If you got a poker face, put it on a dime.  (Image from sodahead dot com)
If you got a poker face, put it on a dime. (Image from sodahead dot com)

The New Deal” – Unlike the political plan of the same name, the dirty version of this involves a standard deck of playing cards, a few strategically placed poker chips and a book-keeper’s visor.

The Great Depression” – Thought to have originated among bored denizens at the end of soup lines, this one involved “hanging” around and looking for “work”.  It may or may not be related to today’s version “A Home Depot Apron

An Oklahoma Dustbowl” – This creepy bit of adults-only shenanigans requires a substantial amount of talcum powder and good hand-eye coordination.

Contrary to urban legend, "The Popeye" does not involve the use of yams.  (Image from wikia dot com)
Contrary to urban legend, “The Popeye” does not involve the use of yams. (Image from wikia dot com)

A Popeye” – Alternatively known as “A Canful of Spinach in Your Corncob Pipe” – This particular piece of raunchy behavior employs a good deal of olive oil and a few well-placed cheeseburgers.

Shave and a Haircut – 2 Bits” – This one was popular among the thrill seekers of its time, as the invention of the safety razor was still years away.  See also – “Lizzie Borden’s Bib

A Sticky Rumble Seat” – As the name implies this one is not for neat freaks or those who have a problem with “exhaust fumes”.

Smoking jacket - check. Necktie - check Eager expression on face - CHECK! (Image from anusha dot com)
Smoking jacket – check.
Necktie – check.
Eager expression on face – CHECK!
(Image from anusha dot com)

A Big Bambino” – Babe Ruth was known nearly as well for his off-field excesses as he was his home runs.  “A Big Bambino” requires several bottles of hooch, a catcher’s mask and someone to play the part of “Mrs. Gehrig”.

Seward’s Folly” – Better known as “A Baked Alaska” – This one is truly disturbing.  Sarah Palin will want to distance herself from her beloved home state if this ever comes back into fashion.

Thanks to the handy lid and EZ Grip handle, this thing won't spill even during your most death-defying barrel rolls.  (Image from ebay dot ca)
Thanks to the handy lid and E-Z Grip handle, this thing won’t spill even during your most death-defying barrel rolls. (Image from ebay dot ca)

The Lindy Hop” – This was originally the name of a popular dance, which also came to identify as a bizarre  act of lewdness which involved flying solo and peeing in bottles.

Coming soon, the 1940’s through the 1970’s.  Stay tuned!

Please enjoy this YouTube clip of some actual Lindy Hop action – it’s safe for work and pretty damn impressive.  Click Link

Advertisements

20 thoughts on “Great Aunt Tilda Was A “Rough Rider”?

    1. I’m considering doing the next Era on the Nudge Wink Report, as this Saturday is my turn in the barrel (sounds worse than it is – the barrel is quite cozy). On a side note, either my reader dropped you or you’ve been mighty quiet. Good to see you, in any case!

      1. I’ve been mighty quiet. I’ve had a pretty wild year and went Blog-Silent. In fact I’ve been gone so long I don’t know what the Nudge Wink Report is, but have noticed several people mentioning int…

        In theory, I’m getting back to it, though. And nice to see you, too!

        1. The Nudge Wink Report is the brainchild of the luscious Blogdramedy. I take turns writing Saturday morning posts with Omawarison, Tom Taker of Shouts in the Abyss, Darla of Maineiac fame, Peg of Peg O Leg and others. Welcome back, hope all is well.

  1. I knew that link wasn’t going to provide what was promised because I hovered over it first and saw the title of the page it was going to. See, I’m pretty smart after all! I still thought all those acts were real though, even if I couldn’t figure out what they might entail, until I read what you said on the link, so maybe I’m not that smart. Sigh.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s