A few friends of mine love to ask for my opinion as to who would win if Batman fought Superman. Now that the trailer for the upcoming film epic has been released, I’m sure they’ll ask again soon. These knuckleheads also enjoy asking me whether the Flash is faster than the Silver Surfer and whether the Hulk is stronger than the Thing. They don’t ask me these questions because of my vast knowledge of fictional superheroes. They ask to annoy me, and because they seem to enjoy my stock answer:
“I’m a grown-assed man, ferchrissakes! Why would I waste my time even considering such an idiotic question?!”
Like most kids of my generation, I watched Superman and Batman on TV. By Superman, I’m referring to a character played by a paunchy George Reeves on a snowy, black and white screen.
By Batman, I mean a character played by a paunchy Adam West – shot in color but viewed on a Sears black and white TV with an antenna clad in wads of aluminum foil.
By the time Hollywood started making special effects-laden blockbusters about these characters, I had already outgrown men in capes and moved on to women in tights (not necessarily super heroines, just women – and not necessarily in tights for that matter). I went through a brief transitional period which my therapist often refers to as my “Julie Newmar as Catwoman” phase.
Despite my ardent attention to Ms. Newmar, I don’t think I ever considered whether she would win in a battle with Diana Rigg as Emma Peel. Irrespective of who would have won, I would have paid my entire allowance for a year to have had a ring-side seat for that clash.
Time to figure out how to convert a Word file into a PDF file into a PNG file and post it on this stupid blog = 90 minutes.
Time spent shaking your head and wondering why I bother = Mere seconds.
I know that the world is full of unanswerable questions; things like the meaning of life, our fates after death, and why Donald Trump’s hair looks like it does. These are all things we’ll never truly know. Despite their unanswerable nature, we’re destined to ask them again and again.
As for Batman versus Superman, my answer is a shrug of the shoulders accompanied by a roll of the eyes. I’m just amazed that so many people seem to truly care enough to even have an opinion. My only guess is that whichever superhero wins the first battle will lose in the sequel.
1pointperspective 
Reblogged this on rennydiokno.com.
I recently watched an old episode of Batman and felt like an ass when it was over. As a kid I sat there scared, yes scared that he was in danger as he tried to dismantle a bomb. Was I simpler or were that times simpler? Yes, I’m asking your advice.
I wrote you a reply early this morning, but for some reason, it never showed up – my apologies. I think my reasoning went along the lines of it being acceptable for a child to worry about campy drama bomb defusing, but that adults should be more scared of their peers wasting valuable time discussing the battle prowess of other grown men in colorful tights, masks and capes.
Emma Peel. Oh my god. What would anyone want with 70 virgins after seeing dear Emma? I made my kids watch that series so that I could tell my wife it was their idea and I was only interested in the plot.
Great post – – – even if it did take you 5 days.
…and on the sixth day, I rested.
Darling…you are just ama oh someone’s at the door I’ll have to get back to you later but know your cape is in the washing machine and will be hung out on the line to dry today you can pick it up later and honestly luv I don’t mind doing your chores dang there’s the bell again…
Just don’t put the cape in the dryer, or it’ll be the size of a baby bib. Thanks Darling!
Wow. That is the most gorgeous poster ever made and it’s worth every hour of tedious work you expended on it.
I loved the Avengers; my dad always watched it. I guess it never occurred to me that he simply wanted to look at Emma Peel. I found a boxed set of DVDs – major find – and got it for him for last Christmas. Maybe I better check his heart medication.
Emma Peel was a gorgeous badass. Diana Rigg shows up on Game of Thrones these days with some scary cheekbones.
Oh my. My eldest son, who’s known as Mattman by his young cousins has Superhero belt buckles he wears to school. Kids love Superhero teachers. Batman is the winner because we’ve actually had this discussion with him. 🙂
Thanks for the inside info, now I don’t have to see the movie.
I’ve always wondered who would win in a fight between Robin and Batgirl, with the winner earning the eternal love of Batman.
The smart money is on Batgirl – she kicks like a Rockette!
I’m definitely with you here. But unfortunately, I have to endure these types of discussions at the dinner table thanks to my Marvel-infatuated son. Well, it’s more of a unilateral discussion. He weighs the issue, I listen.
I don’t have as much of a problem with kids being fixated on superheroes, but when guys with mortgages and receding hairlines get into screaming matches about it….well….
What I want to know is whatever happened to Bat Shark Repellent and where can I buy it this summer?
Bat Shark Repellent was taken off the market because of unintended consumer misuse. The marketing guys screwed it up by labeling it “B.S. Repellent” and the rest is lawsuit history.
I don’t know who half of these characters are, but I think Superman would probably beat every other superhero. Not that I’m emotionally invested in his success, but I think his creators went a little overboard making up his superpowers. “Let’s give him superhuman strength! Great idea! Oh, let’s give him the ability to fly! Yes! Invulnerability? Cool! How about X-ray vision? Pile it on! What about climate control? Sure! Lightning speed? Definitely! Super-intelligence? Absolutely! Oh, let’s give him the ability to completely change his appearance by putting on glasses! Excellent! Ok, how about an ability to shoot sticky crap out of his wrists? Ok… let’s not be greedy here…”
You make 34 excellent points! I dub thee “Supercommenter”.
I’m impressed about your perseverance, this is great. Thanks.
I had to persevere. The only thing worse than a pathetic blog post is a half finished pathetic blog post.