Dancer: The E!-True Hollywood Story – Blogfestivus Series

Same picture as yesterday...or IS it?
Same picture as yesterday…or IS it?

Rudolph’s the famous one, but only since he showed up.  Before that foggy night, he was nobody.  I was one of the original stars, me and Vixen.  We’d go clubbing, carrying on till the wee hours.  Show-girls go nuts for a pair of antlers.

One time, we’re at a ritzy club in Paris in the roaring 20’s, in the offseason.  Vix and me are feeling no pain.  Sometime after midnight, he switched from gin rickeys to shots of absinthe, I’m drinking champagne like it’s 7-Up.  We’re hanging out with these two wild chicks from the Folies Bergere.

Just two eternally-young reindeer bucks, a couple of frisky can-can dancers and under 3 hours till dawn.

I don’t know when, but a leprechaun from one of “The Lesser Holidays” starts mouthing off to Vixen.  Vix is starting to get a little trippy from the absinthe, and I’m not sure he even knew the wee man was real.  I’m flying, but I know an insult when I hear one.  Stumpy turned to me and called me a name which I won’t repeat here.  I turned to walk away, then gave him a “Nordic tattoo” – two rear hooves to his chin.

All hell broke loose and next thing I remember we’re badly hungover and getting bailed out of the pokey by Santa’s lawyer.  Sure, we caught some flak, but the memories of a good party were more than worth Santa’s reprimands – like he’s got room to talk anyway.

Below is a list of links to all the other Blogfestivus writers.  You’re welcome to visit their blogs and even read their posts – but any comments should be limited to telling them how witty my post is.

Blogdramedy (Ring Leader, reindeer enthusiast, generally cool chick)

Steve BetzRewind ReviseLenore DianeShouts from the Abyss

Fit it or DealLynn Schneider BooksSo I Went Undercover

Joe Owen’s BlogMC’s WhispersLittleWonder2  –

Blog It or Lose It!Voice in MeApprentice, never master

A Year of Daily PostsDiary of a Sensitive SoulDot Knows!k8edid

Dasher; Unbridled – Blogfestivus Series

This isn't my illustration.  It's the corporate logo for Blogfestivus - used under authority of Blogdramedy.  Any unauthorized use of the Blogfestivus corporate art will piss her off - big time.
This isn’t my illustration. It’s the corporate logo for Blogfestivus – used under authority of Blogdramedy. Any unauthorized use of the Blogfestivus corporate art will piss her off – big time.

You know what’s never in yer poems or holiday stories?  They never mention arctic fleas.  An’ you never hear about the time I had a case of ice-mange so bad that I had a patch of fur missing that left my reindeer ass lookin’ like two monks kissing.  The jolly slob hadda put down the sauce and pull a team of elves off the assembly line to weave me a butt-toupe’.  Believe me, those little twerps were none too happy with that assignment – Hey! “ass-ignment” – that’s like a pun, right?

They used some extra Barbi hair they had laying around – the color was totally off.  The gang was havin’ a good chuckle.  That sorry rug made my tush looked like I sat in freakin’ plum pudding.

Way to take one for the team, Dasher.”  That’s what they said – laughin’ behind my cold, sore backside.  We been on plenty a training runs with 6 flyers plus red-shnoz.  They coulda given me the night off, it wouldna killed ’em.

Gotta be Rudy plus 8, Dasher, you know…union regs” they said, smilin’ like jack-asses.

So yeah, flyin’ around the world in the dead of winter with your rashy rear-end barely covered by a badly woven hairpiece – that aint exactly Currier and Ives, is it?  You people believe what you wanna – sometimes the truth aint pretty.  Like when you look out in yer driveways and there’s no Lexus with a bow on it again this year.

Below are the links for my Blogfestivus co-conspirators.  Feel free to check them out, but click “Like” on mine first and make comments before you go flitting around to other blogs.

Blogdramedy (Ring Leader, reindeer enthusiast, generally cool chick)

Steve BetzRewind ReviseLenore DianeShouts from the Abyss

Fit it or DealLynn Schneider BooksSo I Went Undercover

Joe Owen’s BlogMC’s WhispersLittleWonder2  –

Blog It or Lose It!Voice in MeApprentice, never master

A Year of Daily PostsDiary of a Sensitive SoulDot Knows!k8edid

A Briefs and Socks Announcement

It's me.  It's a Christmas card.  I got a million of 'em.
It’s me. It’s a Christmas card. I got a million of ’em.

This blog will be commandeered over the coming days by the Reindeer of the Icelandic Antler Club – or RIAC as they are known.  There will be 9 posts over the course of 9 days, each focusing on a different member of the club.  Each post will be short – no more than 243 words – but hard-hitting nonetheless.  This unprecedented hijacking of my blog is part of Blogdramedy’s Blogfestivus Torturama.

While I’m fairly certain that most everyone reading this is already sick to death of the holiday season, please note, the interviews with these seasonal flyers will be no-holds-barred, gritty, perhaps shocking expose’s – not the Bah-bwa Wah-wah powder puff pieces you’re used to seeing on TV.

You may find that your preconceived notions of these characters are shattered.  It’s time the facts came out.  Be warned, these reindeer will be pulling no punches when it comes to pulling a sleigh.  The mittens will be off and the truth will not be sugar-plum-coated.

You’ve been warned.   When the reindeer posts are complete, I’ll try to pick up the pieces and move this blog forward.  With any luck, no one will order a hit on me for messing with tradition.

(For you English majors out there, at no point will the non-word “reindeers” be used)