Josh Smith is upset. He’s gone on the record and stated the obvious: His making a mere 6.9 million dollars next year is going to be tough on his family.
No Shit!! Amiright?!
If like me, you have absolutely no idea who
Josh Smith is, allow me to let you know what I’ve discovered so far. He’s a 28 year old professional basketball player with career earnings of 90 million dollars or so. If he started playing professionally at age 18, my massive calculator brain estimates he’s averaged 9 million a year as a pro.
Josh is far from the first young multi-millionaire who’s been faced with financial duress due to slashed wages. As a public service to these struggling men and women, I’m offering some budget advice. Even if you’re not a professional athlete or movie star, you may find a few gems in here. Following just a couple of my financial hints may help you avoid having to sleep on a steam grate near the bus station for another winter.
- Shop at warehouse stores for caviar. You could save a ton of money! Down on aisle 17 they usually have great deals on variety packs of crackers to smear those delicious fish eggs on. Also…look! A Jet Ski!
- Consider taking Flo from Progressive’s advice and bundle car, home and private jet insurance policies to save on premiums.
- If visiting a strip club, refrain from “making it rain” with large denomination bills. Try using rolls of nickels instead.
- Consider hiring a professional financial manager to help with stretching those six million nine hundred thousand dollars. I realize doing this will put your Uncle Curtis out of work, but he’s had a good 9 year run – hopefully he can get his old job back working for the county. He’ll look good driving that truck with his fur on.
- Trade in your gas-guzzling Bentley and opt for a more economical Toyota Prius. If headroom is going to be an issue, splurge the extra few bucks to get one with a sunroof.
- Don’t forget to have the people at the arena to validate your parking pass!
- Brown bag your lunch for road games. Out of town restaurants can be budget busters! Packing some wet naps may also save you big bucks at the dry cleaners – you know how messy lobster can get!
- Stay away from Kardashians! (This won’t necessarily save you money, but it’s good advice anyway). Take a look at that photo – it’s nothing but trouble; Kimmy’s keister AND evil, delicious imperial stout. This will cost you – If not in money, then in dignity.
- Avoid exotic pets. Many athletes and movie stars learn too late about the potentially steep veterinary bills and liability insurance costs related to owning jungle cats, primates or birds of prey. Besides, you run the the risk that a certain American dentist may come kill your pet with a bow and arrow.
- Encourage your family members to get out there and look for work. Your wife/girlfriend/baby mama may well have some untapped earning potential. Remember, if she gets a job near the sports complex, you guys can car pool in the Prius!
- Avoid the big-name-jock-strap-trap! A recent issue of Consumer Reports found that start-up independent manufacturers offer supporters with nearly identical performance as the big name garments – without the big name price! The graphics on this jockstrap are off the hook! It’s a shame to cover it up with your game shorts, but the league has standards.
- It’s never too late to start investing in your future. I suggest cutting a six figure check to One Point Perspective Enterprises. There’s no guarantee of dividends, but there’s also no guarantee of a return on your investment!
- Finally, if things get really bad, you should consider writing a blog. It won’t likely make you any money, but it might give you enough perspective to understand that 6.9 million dollars aint too bad for a year of shooting hoops.