Bumper Sticker Shock

Most people think that bumper stickers are meant to be statements, not conversation starters.  It’s as if by virtue of choosing to get adhesive residue all over the ass-end of the Ford Taurus in order to express themselves, they should be spared the sarcastic comments of others.  I don’t think that’s fair.  Try as I might to let these people know my interpretations of their bumper stickers, they’ve got the windows up with Foreigner’s Greatest Hits cranking on the cassette player.

Since these yahoos are not making themselves available for polite conversation regarding my opinions of their bumper stickers, I’ve decided to do so without their input.

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(Image from bumperstickerz dot com)
(Image from bumperstickerz dot com)

It can be assumed that people who fish for a living have one that says “I’d rather be sitting in my cubicle, working on the budget for the Hayes proposal”  I’m not sure where on the boat the bumper sticker would go.

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(Image from hippieshop dot com)
(Image from hippieshop dot com)

Unless you have a bumper on your bicycle or that car runs on second-hand falafel oil, you’re not really practicing what you preach.  Next time you’re jonesing for a pint of Chunky Monkey and a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, why not try walking down to the Quik-E Mart?

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(Image from earthhouse dot com)
(Image from earthhouse dot com)

The good news for the air force is that they just need to sell congress one stale brownie for 47 billion dollars.  Congress will then pout when they have to wait until 30 minutes before going back in the swimming pool so the brownie can digest.

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(Image from zazzle dot com)
(Image from zazzle dot com)

The poor slob driving behind you is already distracted by the phone call he’s in the middle of, and now you want him to read too?  You’re just asking for trouble – maybe you could text him to get his attention if he doesn’t see your bumper sticker.

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(Image from zazzle dot com dot au)
(Image from zazzle dot com dot au)

Did you?  Want to know who I voted for?  Too bad – that’s why the voting booth has a curtain.  For the record, you just admitted to voting for Sarah Palin, too.

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(Image from labradoodle-dogs dot net)
(Image from labradoodle-dogs dot net)

You might be right about that, but then again, my honor student has never eaten his own feces, rolled in a dead squirrel or been surprised by the gentle sound of his own flatulence.  In the spirit of full disclosure, my honor student did once run into a wall while chasing the beam from a laser pointer.

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