Is This Seat Taken?

Look at the gown Brandi Glanville wore.  That's right THE Brandi Glanville!  (Image from crushable dot com)
Look at the gown Brandi Glanville wore. That’s right- THE Brandi Glanville! (Image from crushable dot com)

My wife showed me a picture just now.

Look at this dress!” she laughed.  “I can’t believe this woman went out in public dressed like this.”

You can see for yourself – it is quite a dress.  I can assure you that my wife does not have anything similar to it in her closet, which is just as well because if she did, she would not wear it in public, private or anywhere else.  If my wife did wear that dress, it would look lovely on her, and wouldn’t make her ass look fat.  This is not going to be a post about my wife and/or her taste in clothing (I may seem like an idiot at times, but that’s just my blustery writing persona).

The woman in the dress is none other than Brandi Glanville.  She wore this gown to this year’s Academy Awards.

The Academy Awards show was held at the Dolby Theater in Hollywood.  According to Wikipedia, the theater has a maximum capacity of just over 3300 people.  While that may seem like more than enough seats, you need to consider the realities of the Academy Awards.  We all know about the best actor and best supporting actress, but those nominees and their stylists only account for a handful of people.

Outstanding Boom-Microphone Operator in a Documentary” or “Best Voice-Over in a 90 Second Trailer” don’t usually make the cut for the televised coverage, but they vie for Oscars too.  Don’t let the lack of face-time on the idiot box fool you, there were quite a few nominees for “Best Key Grip in a Foreign Language Short Subject” on hand at the Dolby that night, plus their escorts.

Look, man!  I'm an artist, a visionary!  I don't need to wear a bow tie or comb my hair.  You, on the other hand, are a Key Grip with a bad attitude and a rented prom tuxedo - For Christ's sake, dude, have a little self respect!  (Image from USA Today dot com)
Look, man! I’m an artist, a visionary! I don’t need to wear a bow tie or comb my hair. You, on the other hand, are a Best Boy with a bad attitude and a rented prom tuxedo – For Christ’s sake, dude, have a little self respect! (Image from USA Today dot com)

In addition to all of those behind-the-scenes people aching for gold statues, there are industry executives and tons of actors, actresses and directors who, while not nominated this go round, still attend every year.  Every one of them will probably bring a date or a life-coach.

Of the few remaining seats, some power-broker decided that Brandi Glanville should score herself a ticket.  The original Survivor Richard Hatch might have been unavailable due to being on house arrest.  Rumor had it that Guy Fieri was too busy shooting an episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives just outside of Milford, Delaware to attend.  It was doubtful that either Guy or Richard would have rocked that gown anyway.

Obviously, to get a place to park your derriere in the Dolby on such a big night, you’ve got to have some star power.  For those of you who care to know, Brandi Glanville is one of the featured bimbos stars of the Beverly Hills franchise of “The Real Housewives” brand.  If my research is correct, she was once married to a soap actor who’s also been featured on the Miami franchise of the “CSI” brand.  My research also reveals they are no longer married due to his being discovered in several affairs.  So when Brandi Glanville joined the cast of a show called “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”,  she was not actually a wife at all, unless ex-wife qualifies.

On the show, Brandi shares the screen with such “real” housewives as Camille Grammer, Adrienne Maloof and the late Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Personally, I’m not sure that Ms. Glanville’s credentials are all that impressive.  I have to wonder how much difference there is between a reality-TV supporting actress with fraudulent wife-credentials and a bald guy from Jersey.  If I would’ve scored a pair of tickets, I might have finally gotten my wife to consider wearing a dress like that.  Or not.