Why Rudolph Seldom Does Interviews – Blogfestivus Series

Damn paparazzi! Rudy should have worn a hat with those dark glasses.

To: 1 Point Perspective

Memo: Pre-Interview Guidelines

Per previous discussions, please adhere to the guidelines for the interview.  To summarize the critical points:

• Mr. Rudolph will not entertain requests to light his nose during interviews – not even a little blink.  Please do not ask.

• No mention may be made of Burl Ives, or his allegations of Beacon-Beak Enterprise’s alleged financial improprieties.

• Any questions regarding the stag film “Red-Light District of the North Pole” of 1976 will result in immediate termination of the interview and legal action to suppress.

• Discussions of the Island of Misfit Toys subdivision and time-share profits by the Scarlet Honker Limited Partnership are stictly forbidden.

• Any discussion of Mr. Rudolph’s possible use of a hyperbaric oxygen chamber will result in immediate cessation of the interview.

• Any discussion of the ongoing legal action regarding the author Suzanne Collins is forbidden.  Mr. Rudolph and his legal advisors believe that “The Hunger Games” is clearly based on “The Reindeer Games” and as such is in clear violation of intellectual property laws.

• Any unauthorized use of the Flying-Red-Nose logo is strictly forbidden.

• Mr. Rudolph does not give autographs at any time.  His hooves are not pen-friendly.

• Any reference to the pending class-action lawsuit against the “Yukon Cornelius Camp for Wayward Boys” is strictly forbidden.

• Mr. Rudolph denies any knowledge of Lindsay and Dina Lohan’s alleged Nordic tattoos.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s a list of the links to my fellow Blogfestivus writers.  I’m sure they’re as tired of these reindeer as I am.

Blogdramedy (Ring Leader, reindeer enthusiast, generally cool chick)

Steve Betz – Rewind Revise – Lenore Diane – Shouts from the Abyss –

Fit it or Deal – Lynn Schneider Books – So I Went Undercover –

Joe Owen’s Blog – MC’s Whispers – LittleWonder2  –

Blog It or Lose It! – Voice in Me – Apprentice, never master –

A Year of Daily Posts – Diary of a Sensitive Soul – Dot Knows! – k8edid

Who Names Someone Prancer? – Blogfestivus Series

Is anyone else getting tired of this pic yet? Well that’s too damn bad – Blogdramedy insisted we use it and you should all be happy there’s any picture at all – now buck up!

They say that mothers know.  Somehow, before I even managed to stand up on my four hooves for the first time, Mom just knew.

Maybe that’s what Mom was thinking when she named me Prancer.  She sang my little sister lullabies, but when I was little, it was show tunes and watching Judy Garland movies till I dozed off.

It rubbed me the wrong way when I saw all the attention Rudolph got for his nose.  Covering it with a black rubber ball?  We saw how well that worked!  If he’d asked, I would have given him some free advice:

“Hey Sister!  Use some foundation and a little concealer.  Then make fashion choices to draw attention away from awkward features.”

He didn’t ask, of course, and his secret was out of the bag.  Before long he was working that ruby honker for all it was worth.  Foggy nights and that big bear Burl Ives made him a star.  He had it easy.  I’ve had much more of a struggle.

Imagine keeping your own sexuality under wrapping paper.   I have zero opportunity to try anything different with my hair, and don’t even get me started on fashion.  My macho co-workers think I’m the quiet type.  In reality, I’m always trying to think of ways to avoid pronouncing my sibalent esses.  I stay away from the plurals, honey.

Change comes slow to the North Pole.  Looks like I’m in this closet for another year.

Below are the names / links of my fellow Blogfestivus bloggers.  If I find out they’re not sending their readers over here, there’s gonna be hell to pay, let me tell you.

Blogdramedy (Ring Leader, reindeer enthusiast, generally cool chick)

Steve Betz – Rewind Revise – Lenore Diane – Shouts from the Abyss –

Fit it or Deal – Lynn Schneider Books – So I Went Undercover –

Joe Owen’s Blog – MC’s Whispers – LittleWonder2  –

Blog It or Lose It! – Voice in Me – Apprentice, never master –

A Year of Daily Posts – Diary of a Sensitive Soul – Dot Knows! – k8edid

Dasher; Unbridled – Blogfestivus Series

This isn’t my illustration. It’s the corporate logo for Blogfestivus – used under authority of Blogdramedy. Any unauthorized use of the Blogfestivus corporate art will piss her off – big time.

You know what’s never in yer poems or holiday stories?  They never mention arctic fleas.  An’ you never hear about the time I had a case of ice-mange so bad that I had a patch of fur missing that left my reindeer ass lookin’ like two monks kissing.  The jolly slob hadda put down the sauce and pull a team of elves off the assembly line to weave me a butt-toupe’.  Believe me, those little twerps were none too happy with that assignment – Hey! “ass-ignment” – that’s like a pun, right?

They used some extra Barbi hair they had laying around – the color was totally off.  The gang was havin’ a good chuckle.  That sorry rug made my tush looked like I sat in freakin’ plum pudding.

“Way to take one for the team, Dasher.”  That’s what they said – laughin’ behind my cold, sore backside.  We been on plenty a training runs with 6 flyers plus red-shnoz.  They coulda given me the night off, it wouldna killed ’em.

“Gotta be Rudy plus 8, Dasher, you know…union regs” they said, smilin’ like jack-asses.

So yeah, flyin’ around the world in the dead of winter with your rashy rear-end barely covered by a badly woven hairpiece – that aint exactly Currier and Ives, is it?  You people believe what you wanna – sometimes the truth aint pretty.  Like when you look out in yer driveways and there’s no Lexus with a bow on it again this year.

Below are the links for my Blogfestivus co-conspirators.  Feel free to check them out, but click “Like” on mine first and make comments before you go flitting around to other blogs.

Blogdramedy (Ring Leader, reindeer enthusiast, generally cool chick)

Steve Betz – Rewind Revise – Lenore Diane – Shouts from the Abyss –

Fit it or Deal – Lynn Schneider Books – So I Went Undercover –

Joe Owen’s Blog – MC’s Whispers – LittleWonder2  –

Blog It or Lose It! – Voice in Me – Apprentice, never master –

A Year of Daily Posts – Diary of a Sensitive Soul – Dot Knows! – k8edid