You Lucky Dog !

[NSFW Warning: This post contains a fair degree of dick humor, and as such it may not be safe for work.  This will be especially true if you work at a kennel or a veterinarian’s office]

Bill Clinton, former president of the United States, was discussing Barack Obama’s having Mitt Romney as an opponent in the most recent election.  President Clinton thought that Obama was quite fortunate to have Romney running against him.  Lucky even.  How lucky?  According to the former leader of the free world, Obama was “luckier than a dog with two dicks”.

See, two dicks are better'n one for dogs.  Who don't know that?  (Image from bornrich dot com)
See, two dicks are better’n one for dogs. Who don’t know that? Neither one of em has to be any bigger’n this.   (Image from bornrich dot com)

The thought of someone who once held a position of supreme power speaking that way shouldn’t surprise anyone.  Clinton’s time spent at Oxford shouldn’t disqualify him from being prone to saying wacky things either (irrespective of whether he inhaled or not).  If I had to guess, and I do, because no one is talking, I’d say that Bill picked up the analogy back in his days in Arkansas.  In fact, slipping into an Ozark hillbilly accent while talking about a dog with two dicks just adds the perfect zing!

This dog can't talk, for more than one reason, but if he could, he might well ask how a man with four balls could walk.  (Image from noruffdays dot com)
This dog can’t talk, for more than one reason, but if he could, he might well ask how a man with four balls could walk. (Image from noruffdays dot com)

The idea that influential people might use off-color comments in private should not knock anyone’s socks off.  The reality is that when it’s all said and done, these people are still just people.  They put on their handmade, virgin-wool dress slacks the same way I would if I could afford them.

What is truly amazing is that someone somewhere once decided that a dog with two dicks would be a luckier than a dog with the standard issue single weenie.  Men everywhere would admit that having more than one of them would not present much of an advantage.  Most men will tell you it’s tough enough to get the ladies to pay any attention to the ones they already have.  A quick search of the internet will reveal thousands of products to make them harder and/or bigger, but none to make them multiply.  It would seem that having two would only make getting attention that much tougher, not to mention possibly creating some jealousy issues between the little rascals.

Many theorists believe that males think with their “boy-parts”.  While this generalization is usually made in reference to men and not dogs, one need only recall the neighborhood dynamics the last time Daisy the Labradoodle was in heat to realize the cross-species applicability.  A dog with two dicks would likely be downright schizophrenic.  I imagine an angel dick on one shoulder and a devil dick on the other, each vying for Rover’s attention.

This brings up another troubling aspect to the notion of a two-dicked Dachshund;  Where exactly on a given dog would the second one be located?  Putting it right next to the first would make sense anatomically, since all the plumbing hook-ups are already handy.  Beyond the simplicity of pipe connections though, that location makes no sense.  The competition issues will be staggering, and Bowser can forget about trying to write his name in the snow.

As the old real estate saying goes, "Location, Location, Location" (original image from Wikipedia dot org, doctored badly by the author)
As the old real estate saying goes, “Location, Location, Location!”  While I admit that doctoring a photo of a Bassett Hound or a Welsh Corgi might have had better comedic effect, using a Bluetick Coonhound may have been more accurate considering the term’s likely roots.  (original image from Wikipedia dot org, doctored badly by the author)

All things considered, one can see why this colorful bit of whimsy had not made it out of Arkansas until now.  Regardless, Clinton proves that even after their time in office, politicians are still more than capable of amusing and enlightening us.

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23 thoughts on “You Lucky Dog !

  1. From my limited understanding of dicks and dogs, I think dogs rather enjoy their easy access to their private parts and to have two would make that dog luckier than a antelope with cheetah legs. I really need to work on my folkisms.

  2. I’m thinking that it’s not necessarily the case of using both dicks at the same time. Having a 2nd one could still be a distinct advantage in case of an erectile dysfunction – kind of like a spare parachute: “sorry, honey, I don’t think I can… But hey, let’s try with the other one!”

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