That “Gender-Bias Mocha Swirl” Will Go Right To Your Thighs

My favorite flavor is “Montezuma’s Cacao-Nib Revenge”. Sadly, my opinion is only valued for more manly pursuits, like drinking beer, amusing super-models and running with the bulls in Pamplona. (image from knowyourmemes.com)

A blogger named Lenore Diane recently decided that it would be fun to invite some of her fellow writers to wax poetic all about how deeply they love Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.  The great thing about an idea like this is that it gives the writers a chance to express their personal views on a wonderfully universal topic.  I can’t speak for all bloggers, but I love having someone else give me a topic to write about, it so beats the hell out of coming up with a thought from scratch.

A cynic might point out that this entire affair is a thinly disguised attempt on L.D.’s part to get a lifetime supply of frozen pints for all the free publicity.  There are others who see this as something darker, something that’s so very, very wrong.

L.D. and I have a little history.  We run in some of the same blog circles and our comments sometimes intersect.  We follow one another on Twitter.  We’re not exactly blog buddies, but we know of each other.  Despite our obvious connection, she left me off her list of people who were invited to write about Ben and Jerry’s delicious product line.  Amazing, right?!

A closer look at the list of bloggers who were invited reveals that only one of the ten invitees is a male.   To clarify, the topic is Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, not how hard it is to find a pair of pumps to go with that green skirt or Keith Urban’s dreamy eyes.  Anyone who’s ever stood in the Quickie Mart at 2:30 in the morning with $5.63 burning a hole in their pocket knows about Ben and Jerry’s, irrespective of whether they tinkle standing up or not.

I’m not upset that L.D. didn’t invite me specifically to write on this topic (yes I am).  I am upset that there wasn’t a more gender-balanced group (no I’m not, I couldn’t care less).  I’m sure if she was pressed on an answer, L.D. would say it just worked out that way, and I’m sure that’d be true.  Let’s face it, society has decided that sweet, rich desserts are the domain of women.  That’s why “Cupcake Wars” is not going to be found on Spike TV, not even in syndicated re-runs.

I don’t normally get all charged up about being slighted like this.   Maybe it’s the time of year.  All the political commercials, mud-slinging and such has me feeling contentious and more knee-jerky than ever.  I’m sure that my crankiness can also be traced to Weight Watchers for Men – I’m just not sure how.  I feel like it’s only a matter of time before I’ll have to listen to Charles Barkley going on and on about how great it is to fit into his skinny jeans – it’s just wrong.  On a side note, I need to find out if pissing and moaning can earn me exercise points.

The frustrating part is that I feel like I could’ve written a good post on Ben and Jerry’s.  I’m a big fan of their products as well as the company’s socially conscientious efforts to be something other than a money-making conglomerate.  As for their flavors, my favorite would have to be Heroin Toffee Crunch, if only they’d make it.  Seriously, that stuff would be addictive.  I’d also really enjoy Cashew-Gesundheit Frozen Yogurt, but only during cold season.

Alas, the opportunity to join in on the love fest for Ben and Jerry’s is a ship which has sailed.  I’ll lick my emotional wounds and hope that the next time there’s a call for entries, my deep voice and shaved head won’t keep me from being considered.  Being so manly in this world of sensitive writers has cost me another opportunity.  It would shatter gender stereotupes for me to weep anymore about it, I’ll just have to suffer quietly and pretend that I’m not hurting on the inside.  This is when real men retreat to moody silence and a tumbler of single malt scotch.

L.D., no hard feelings.  We’re good.  Please, notes of apology aren’t required (but if you feel like sending me one of those coupons for a free pint, I won’t turn my nose up at it).