More Tawdry Viewing

I didn’t see the MTV awards show this year.  Then again, I’ve never seen an MTV award show.

True to form, those preceding two facts will not deter me from weighing in on this year’s highly-hyped edition.  For those readers who actually saw the awards show, feel free to roll your eyes at the inaccuracies which will soon follow.  For the rest of you, take my word for it and try to enjoy my synopsis.  By reading my account and not actually watching the show, you’ll have saved yourself an hour or two, including roughly 23 minutes of Axe Body Spray commercials.

This isn't the MTV trophy, it's from Darwincountry dot org.  No one can deny the "evolution of outrageous" of MTV's award behavior.  I can't wait to read about what happens next year!
This isn’t the MTV trophy, it’s from Darwincountry dot org. No one can deny the “evolution of outrageous” of MTV’s award behavior. I can’t wait to read about what happens next year!

As a bit of background, MTV Music Television – which hasn’t aired music videos since who knows when – has an annual movie and music awards show.  The show has had its share of “outrageous” moments, all of which served to catapult someone further into the spotlight for a few more minutes.  This is the same venue where Madonna sucked face with Britney and Lady Gaga covered her loins with flank steaks (or maybe she covered her flanks with loins).  Howard Stern once flew in dressed as his own super hero, “Fartman”, and blew up part of the stage with an egger.

The Gagster had originally thought about wearing this tie with khakis and a sport jacket, but didn't think it was "outrageous" enough.  (Image from z a z z l e dot com
Lady Gagster had originally thought about wearing this tie with khakis and a sport jacket, but didn’t think it was “outrageous” enough. (Image from z a z z l e dot com

This year’s big story, if the internet is to be believed, is that Miley Cyrus did a naughty dance on stage.  To be honest, I wouldn’t recognize Miley if she was twerking right in front of my house.  It’s a safe bet that I’d yell at her to stay the hell off my grass though.  I’ve written about Miley before and if nothing else interesting happens in the future, I likely will again.  She’s constantly featured in gossip rags and we all know that’s where I get some of my best material.

Even more fun than Miley’s dancing is the feigned shocked reactions by the media to what they had all expected in the first place.  I don’t doubt that some of the talk-news types already had “outrage over something that was said or done at the MTV awards” penciled into the following week’s programming before the show even happened.

I sat in a doctor’s office waiting room on Monday, listening to one TV talking head after another yabber on and on about Miley’s performance, with one commentator making the suggestion that they should no longer call her by name.  Apparently, “She Who Will Not Be Named” is this knucklehead’s idea of a punishment for someone whose parents named her “Miley”.  It seemed something of an over-reaction to Miley’s antics to put her in the same category as Beetlejuice and Leona Helmsley.

She Who Shall Not Be Named (Image from content dot time dot com)
She Who Shall Not Be Named.  “Why so serious?” – so sayeth the Joker.  (Image from content dot time dot com)

On Tuesday I sat in another doctor’s waiting room and listened to more of the same.  I’m either getting old or I’ve changed careers and become a pharmaceutical sales rep.

At one point, they stopped talking about Miley having unsafe relations with a foam finger and discussed poison gas attacks and the likelihood of the US getting themselves into yet another no-win military clusterfuck in yet another middle eastern country.  There was a commercial break and then it was back to more in-depth debate over the outrageous behavior of former child stars.  Justin Beiber could not be reached for comment as he was busy killing a potted palm.

As the world teeters on the brink of absolute bedlam, I suppose it’s a perverse luxury to spend our time worrying about a skinny white girl shaking her moneymaker on a TV award show.  I can hardly wait to see what diversions next week will bring.

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13 thoughts on “More Tawdry Viewing

  1. Heard there was a twerking party-competition on your front lawn. Am I too late? Where is everyone? I’ve practiced. Got my foam-on-a-stick and practiced until the cows came home. Would you turn off the sprinklers, fella…I’m gonna ringy-dingy your door bell until you do…..

  2. I’m more concerned about her tongue. It’s always hanging out…like a dog panting in heat.

    Never mind. I think I just answered my own question.

    Nice post. Hope this means you’re back from the waiting room of every doctors office in NJ. Or you got tired of coughing. *ahem*

  3. Nice segue from yesterday’s post on NWR. You helped us over the 30+ followers mark with 179 views!

    Blogdramedy says you may now have a cookie.

  4. P.S. Right now the 8-woman shell image is in your header and I want to kindly (because I am not a coxswain) suggest to 2 and 6 that they need to help set the boat by facing forward, as if there isn’t plenty of photographic evidence of me in their same pose. Now I want to get out on the water. 🙂

    1. Those rotating header pics offer quite the random selection. My daughter is one of those rowers – she was, now that she’s in grad school, her rowing is done until she gets out of school and starts working. They were just cruising under a bridge after completing their heat at the Dad Vail in Philly. I used to have a header shot of my legs in an alumni lacrosse game, but it’s disappeared – probably just as well.

  5. Yeah I agree. I was totally get-over the foam finger, rump shaking, what does stupid Taylor Swift think about it scenario on the news. It was the MTV Awards … really what did they expect?

  6. That constant news switching between the 2 main stories of the day (Syria and Cyrus) makes me think that Bashar al-Assad is really lucky that we haven’t yet caught him twerking.

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