This Week In Normal

Welcome to This Week In Normal.  In this feature. I’ll be picking out a few news stories every week or so and giving my two cents on each of them.  At that rate, this inaugural batch should run me about a dime.  Some of you might think that this feature should be called “The Week In Weird”, but unfortunately, I’m pretty sure that name’s taken.  Besides, my title is more accurate.

I can't beleive she's doing that!  Doesn't she know how DIRTY those carts are?!?(Image from jokeroo dot com)
I can’t believe she’s doing that! Doesn’t she know how DIRTY those carts are?!?(Image from jokeroo dot com)

A University of Arizona study revealed that 72% of shopping cart handles were crawling with fecal bacteria.  Where I live, we push the carts with our hands, I can only assume, no pun intended, that some people in Arizona are pushing the carts with their naked butts.

I can't tell if he's making that face in order to play or if it's because he can hear what he's playing (Image from 1000 funny pistures dot com)
Seriously, you can tell me; does this hat make me look stupid?  (Image from 1000 funny pistures dot com)

A man in England nearly died from fungal pneumonia which he contracted from the bagpipes which he regularly plays.  He admitted that it’s important to get your pipes cleaned out regularly – you have to admit that’s probably easier said than done when you’re 78 years old.  Also, who’d have guessed that playing the bagpipes could be as bad for your lungs as listening to them is for your ears?

Roaches?!  On a bus?!!  Next you'll be telling me there are rats in subway tunnels!  (Image from favim dot com)
Roaches?! On a bus?!! Next you’ll be telling me there are rats in subway tunnels! (Image from favim dot com)

Passengers on a bus from Atlantic City bound for Manhattan were moved to another bus after complaints that the original motor coach was infested with cockroaches.  Scores of roaches came out of vents early in the trip.  So this particular plan to export vermin out of the Garden State has been foiled.  Not to worry, we’ve got other schemes in mind.  Don’t believe me?  What state are the Nets calling home these days?

Nope!  No fat or sugar in out stuff.  Also, those red stuff is made out of berries, so they count as a serving of fresh fruit.  (Image from science daily dot com)
Nope! No fat or sugar in out baked goods. Also, that red stuff is made out of berries, so they count as a serving of fresh fruit. (Image from science daily dot com)

A bakery in Clifton, New Jersey has been shut down by the FDA after products which they advertised as “sugar free” and “fat free” were found to have sugar and saturated fat in them, respectively.  In the baker’s defense, it’s really really hard to make delicious baked goods without using sugar and butter and maybe a little palm oil.  It’s even more difficult to get people to buy them when you do.  The FDA spokesperson reportedly advised the bakery to tell its customers that they should have a piece of fresh fruit, put down that damn video game and go play outside.

The article does not go into detail about the wife's failed attempt at reconciliation using a nail gun.  (Image from the sun dot co dot uk)
The article does not go into detail about the wife’s failed attempt at reconciliation using a nail gun. (Image from the sun dot co dot uk)

A prison guard in western Pennsylvania is in trouble.  Apparently, after drinking for most of the day and arguing with his wife, he attempted to shoot the wedding ring off of his finger.  He badly mangled his finger, but surprisingly, the ring did not come off.  Nice shot, Bucko – maybe get a little closer to your target next time.  He was arrested for his reckless behavior, but the real trouble will come from his wife, who will not likely ever let him forget what an idiot he was, how embarrassed she is over the whole thing, the blood stains on the kitchen curtains, how thanks to that crappy insurance from his job, they have to pay a $1200 deductible for his trip to the ER, and whether he thought that bullets grew on trees.

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30 thoughts on “This Week In Normal

  1. Ok, first I get enraged over at Bman, then I sachet over here only to be re-fueled. Tuesday is looking interesting indeed. I can not get past the nail gun stupidity and we really can’t discuss the shopping cart….we just can’t.

  2. Eww. Gloves. Now a part of my permanent outerwear. And alcohol wipes. I no longer care if I look like Felix Unger. Maybe I just shouldn’t leave my house.

  3. You are a saint and a hero. It’s people like you that risk life and limb to bring us the cold hard facts. Keep seeking out the truth sir. That aside, why is everything covered in fecal bacteria? How many studies come up with the end result of fecal matter? Even if they weren’t looking for it in the first place. 1 in 3 at least? I don’t understand.

  4. Ugh, I get that sometimes you can’t find a changing table – but this woman is standing outside of Wal-Mart. There are several restrooms – all of which generally have changing tables. But no, let’s expose the baby’s butt to the world outside. I am definitely using the wipes on the cart handles now.

    And the shooting the ring off the finger . . . responsible gun ownership 101 there!

  5. I have fond memories of a diner in Clifton and I would be fine learning that its baked goods are not sugar or fat-free. I do, however, labor under the illusion that its employees wash their hands before changing their babies diapers. Ew.

    1. This is a perfect example of the old axiom “What happens in Parry Sound stays in Parry Sound, eh?”

      Thanks for breaking that story out for the rest of us to read. Now I can feel a little better about living in my own crime ridden neighborhood.

  6. omg the shopping cart one has scarred me for life I think. I’m also never taking a bus again. Cockroaches out of vents sounds like a Stephen King novel

  7. Ugh, the cart one is so disgusting and so true. As soon as I get inside Walmart, I take a quick shower in Purell. I remember reading about the cockroach story. Reminds me of living in Orlando when I was a kid. We’d come home from a long day and my mom would yell out “We’re home!” and the cockroaches would scamper back into the walls. True story. (shudders)

    1. I worked in a bar like that in college, and I’ve been to plenty of place doing homecare – one in particular is blog worthy.

      On the bright side, if the roaches back in Orlando “scampered” then they couldn’t have been that bad, right?

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