My strategy for blogging world domination

I just looked at my site stats and saw some remarkable stuff.  One interesting thing was that over the month that I’ve been writing, I’ve had one hit each in Indonesia, Malaysia and  Romania, two from the UK, three from the Philippines and seven in Egypt.  The vast majority of my hits came from the US and Canada.  For the record, Canada is nice to have since it takes up a really big part of the map and makes my postings look much more impressive.

It’s clear to me that I’ve pretty much milked North America dry.  I’ll really need to bring up my Eastern European and Pacific Rim numbers if I want to get anywhere.  If I can build on my already stellar Middle Eastern demographics I’ll be in good shape.  This all reminds me about how badly I sucked at playing the board game “Risk” back in my childhood.  Maybe it would help my global blog strategy if I finally learned where Kamchatka is.

I think it's in the green part. This aint no Chutes n Ladders, son (Image courtesy of Wikipedia)

My first instinct to improve the international hits was a typical rookie mistake; I assumed that I needed my posts to include topics which would cater to people in the regions I was targeting for growth.  I’d need stories featuring Buddhism, gypsies and prepubescent Olympic gymnasts.  After careful consideration and a quick inventory about how little I actually know about those places and topics, I decided on a different direction as my best strategy.  People in those countries don’t want to read about the places where they already are, they want to read about my country and my exciting exploits, told in my witty American style.

If I want to boost my numbers in Indonesia, I’ll need to come across as even more American than I already am.  I’ll need to work on fitting in references to hamburgers and monster truck races in my piece about my visit to the Philadelphia Flower Show.

One helpful tip I picked up at the flower show was using your monster truck instead of that boring old roto-tiller. Remember, you'll get better results if you do it on SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAYYY!! (Image courtesy of Flickr)

One way to get more Romanians to tune in could be to drop little hints as to who won Survivor 3 years ago so they can know in advance when it airs there.  Maybe I can tell a little white lie about the winner of the final challenge doing so by using a monster truck to smash his competition.