Nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day quite like some unsolicited smut. Don’t ask me how I managed to get this into a heart shaped box, but now that you’ve opened it…
Over the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, the search topic which has sent the most people to my blog is “detailed penis drawing“. Apparently drawing hearts isn’t how everyone decorates their cards. Either that, or they’re hell bent on rendering Cupid just right. I’m fairly confident that those faceless web surfers out there have been disappointed by having their search land them smack dab ( umm okay – bad choice of analogies) in the middle of my award-winning blog post* which featured an interview with politician/e- exhibitionist Anthony Weiner’s weiner.
It’s funny if you think about it. I mean, the internet has no shortage, so to speak, of pictures of naughty bits. If you want to see what a schwantz, some knockers, a va-jay-jay, or a booty looks like, you’re in the right place. There are many folks who would testify that even if you don’t wish to see any such anatomy, the internet will be more than happy to show you anyway.
Someone who is actively searching for detailed drawings of a ding-a-ling is probably not expecting to find one with a jaunty cap, cigarette holder and an ascot. A quick creative aside, I had considered drawing Anthony’s pecker wearing a “dickey” instead of an ascot, but as it happens dickey is funny to say but not all that amusing to look at. Besides, an ascot gives an air haughty sophistication, and goes incredibly well with a tufted smoking jacket.
I’m not particularly choosey about who reads my blog, in fact, I don’t even care if readers speak English. I get the occasional notifications of new followers and I’m happy to have each and every one of them. That being said, I’d like to take a moment to welcome the latest ones, including pp-looker, durtydurtydude, mindifistare?, holdstillwhileIgetmysktechpadandcharcoal, and of course package-chekker34.
I’d write more, but I’ve got a card to make for my wife.
*In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m pretty sure that post didn’t win any awards, which was unfortunate, because I had one hell of an acceptance speech written. I also had a snazzy smoking jacket picked out to wear the the ceremony!
1pointperspective 
Don’t snip off anything important while making that card. You don’t want it covered in naughty bits.
Or maybe you do and then…we don’t need to know. *shakes head vigorously*
Me: Honey, Here’s a little something I made for you.
Her: Jeez Dave, you shouldn’t have!
Me: Go ahead, open it!
Her: Ugh! You’re just not right, you really really shouldn’t have.
*snort*
Every time I see that drawing, I think “Ouch, where is that cigarette holder going?” I’m not high brow, but certainly pragmatic. Happy VD, Dave!
Happy V-Day to you too, Michelle! I also had some concerns as to where exactly the cigarette holder was perched, but just took artistic license and plugged it in where the mouth would be if a shlong wore glasses.
After seeing your drawing and reading your post, I realize hoping my teenage sons’ joy of making poo and penis jokes will resolve as they get older is futile. 😉
On the bright side, you don’t have to worry that he’s some sort of deviate, it’s perfectly normal until at least the age of 56.
Then if I’m still kicking by the time he’s 57, I’ll do a happy dance.
Sadly, as a genuine 56 year older, I was only drawing from my own life experience on that one. Check in with me next year and I’ll let you know how the weanie and dookie humor is running.
Ha, will do.
Best part? The “Hello my name is Carlos” nametag.
Good Eye, H.E.! Only a stickler for detail would know to look for the Carlos Danger nametag!
Good to see Carlos wearing a bib. Keeps ‘things’ neat.
That Carlos, he gets carried away sometimes. He can be such a dick.
Whaaaaaat? !? Where am I? This isn’t at all what I was looking for when I googled ‘jaunty ascot’.
Don’t worry about that happening again. Rumor has it, the government is going to fix the internet.
What could possibly go wrong with that plan?
Nothing comes to mind. The government is known for their unbiased handling of nearly everything. Plus, they’re a model of efficiency.
“Fix” the internet like people “fix” their cat?
probably an accurate analogy
If so, this post could be one of the first to get “fixed”
I’ll miss you guys. We’ll have our memories, I guess!
It is interesting you mention alternatives to putting a ‘heart’ on a Valentine’s Day card. I was pondering what organ would best suit the alternate reality holiday I would create only on Friday the 13th of February. Misanthrope Day–for single people who loathe the fact that Valentine’s is coming. I asked my friend what organ she thought should represent the holiday. Her answer was quick in coming: “The spleen.” I believe bile green would suit the sentiment perfectly.
Once again, the pancreas gets overlooked.
Don’t get your pancreas in a bunch about it.
That post should have won the award for the classiest dick pick ever.
That doodle gives new meaning to the phrase “You can dress him up, but you can’t take him out”.
Oh, darling….
…..
…………
……….
I’m decoding those mystery dots in your comment. You are truly devious!
I know where to find you! You can’t hide….nearest goat-patch if grass and blackberry brambles on a corner block of any side of the Willamette River, turn left, stop at nearest Brew Pub. See? You can’t hide! Missing you. Hope all is well. Happy Holly Days to you and all the Loved Ones. Raye
Hey, I’m looking at that same great drawing of the pig on my wall! I’m looking back and forth, from the computer to the wall…from the wall to the computer….from the computer to the wall. I’m getting dizzy.
I think we can all take a moment to give thanks that it’s the drawing of the pig on your wall and not Carlos (not his real name).
I give thanks every day that you had the good taste to send Lola, and not Carlos.
Lola? Nice name choice!
Her name was Lola, she was a show girl. But that was 20 years ago, when they used to have a show….
I knew a Lola once. We drank champagne and danced all night, under electric candle light.
I was thinking the same about my rabbit picture hanging by my computer.
That rabbit got around.
You know, he is quite the topic of conversation around here. My grandchildren are fascinated. On another note, the strangest tattoo I’ve ever seen was of a penis on the neck and back of the head of a bald guy. Something for you to consider,
I’m a firm believer that only those with heads of thick, luxurious hair should consider scalp tatts of ding dongs. That way, once they sober up, they can grow their hair in and cover up at least one of their bad life-decisions.