Top NSFW Searches – Valentine’s Edition

Nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day quite like some unsolicited smut.  Don’t ask me how I managed to get this into a heart shaped box, but now that you’ve opened it…

If you haven't read my "47 Shades of Pink" then you just don't love me.  Illustration by the author
If you haven’t read my “47 Shades of Pink” then you just don’t love me. This drawing has no relevance to the topic, but gives me a reason to “Shades of” “pink” and “Barnyard” in my tags and draw even more pervs. Illustration by the author

Over the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, the search topic which has sent the most people to my blog is “detailed penis drawing“.  Apparently drawing hearts isn’t how everyone decorates their cards.  Either that, or they’re hell bent on rendering Cupid just right.  I’m fairly confident that those faceless web surfers out there have been disappointed by having their search land them smack dab ( umm okay – bad choice of analogies) in the middle of my award-winning blog post* which featured an interview with politician/e- exhibitionist Anthony Weiner’s weiner.

Classic dick drawings never go out of style.   (Illustration by the author - no, I'm not proud)
Classic dick drawings never go out of style. (Illustration by the author – no, I’m not proud)

It’s funny if you think about it.  I mean, the internet has no shortage, so to speak, of pictures of naughty bits.  If you want to see what a schwantz, some knockers, a va-jay-jay, or a booty looks like, you’re in the right place.  There are many folks who would testify that even if you don’t wish to see any such anatomy, the internet will be more than happy to show you anyway.

Someone who is actively searching for detailed drawings of a ding-a-ling is probably not expecting to find one with a jaunty cap, cigarette holder and an ascot.  A quick creative aside, I had considered drawing Anthony’s pecker wearing a “dickey” instead of an ascot, but as it happens dickey is funny to say but not all that amusing to look at.  Besides, an ascot gives an air haughty sophistication, and goes incredibly well with a tufted smoking jacket.

I’m not particularly choosey about who reads my blog, in fact, I don’t even care if readers speak English.  I get the occasional notifications of new followers and I’m happy to have each and every one of them.  That being said, I’d like to take a moment to welcome the latest ones, including pp-looker, durtydurtydude, mindifistare?, holdstillwhileIgetmysktechpadandcharcoal, and of course package-chekker34.

I’d write more, but I’ve got a card to make for my wife.

*In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m pretty sure that post didn’t win any awards, which was unfortunate, because I had one hell of an acceptance speech written.  I also had a snazzy smoking jacket picked out to wear the the ceremony!

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39 thoughts on “Top NSFW Searches – Valentine’s Edition

  1. Don’t snip off anything important while making that card. You don’t want it covered in naughty bits.

    Or maybe you do and then…we don’t need to know. *shakes head vigorously*

    1. Happy V-Day to you too, Michelle! I also had some concerns as to where exactly the cigarette holder was perched, but just took artistic license and plugged it in where the mouth would be if a shlong wore glasses.

  2. It is interesting you mention alternatives to putting a ‘heart’ on a Valentine’s Day card. I was pondering what organ would best suit the alternate reality holiday I would create only on Friday the 13th of February. Misanthrope Day–for single people who loathe the fact that Valentine’s is coming. I asked my friend what organ she thought should represent the holiday. Her answer was quick in coming: “The spleen.” I believe bile green would suit the sentiment perfectly.

  3. Hey, I’m looking at that same great drawing of the pig on my wall! I’m looking back and forth, from the computer to the wall…from the wall to the computer….from the computer to the wall. I’m getting dizzy.

            1. You know, he is quite the topic of conversation around here. My grandchildren are fascinated. On another note, the strangest tattoo I’ve ever seen was of a penis on the neck and back of the head of a bald guy. Something for you to consider,

              1. I’m a firm believer that only those with heads of thick, luxurious hair should consider scalp tatts of ding dongs. That way, once they sober up, they can grow their hair in and cover up at least one of their bad life-decisions.

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